I do not deny that this section DOES contain 21 ways to kill pokémon haters (or at least cause torture to them). However, in case you can't tell by the fact that this section tells pokémon what to do if pokémon haters actually try their (insert number here) ways to kill pokémon, THIS IS A JOKE. I do NOT want death to all pokémon haters or something stupid like that. I'm jsut hoping this shows pokémon haters how stupid their ways to kill pokémon actually are.

Now, here are 21 ways to kill pokémon, written by some pokéhater out there (if that's you, then just be happy that it's here so more people can read it).

1) Take a Pikachu, tie each of his legs to a Land Rover, and have them take off!
2) Tape Pikachu (or any other small Pokemon) to a payphone. Then strap several M80's or a blockbuster to the payphone, light and run! Now we have a rainstorm of money and Pokechunks.
3) Tell Pikachu that you need him to back your car down the driveway. Give him the keys. Down tell him there are 2000lbs of tank shells rigged to the ignition.
4) Take Pikachu outside, with a nail gun, walk to a wooden telephone pole, and nail him through the stomach to it. Alternatly, nail him to an outhouse. On the INSIDE.
5) Throw Pikachu into an outhouse's crap hole.
6) Tell Pikachu you want to know how a jet engine works. Throw him through it whiles its running.
7) Fill Jigglypuff with Hydrongen gas. After he floats 25 - 50ft, open fire with a 50cal. Hindenburg time!
8) Duct tape any Pokemon into a small roomand leave.
9) Freeze any Pokemon with Liquid Nitrogen, then hit it with a jackhammer and watch it shatter!
10) Tell any Pokemon they have been bad, and must go sit in the corner. Put them in a circular room. Suicide time.
11) Need to win a war fast? Drop Pokemon out of your B-52's instead of bombs. Now you own that countries ass!
12) Take a thick steel pipe, weld one end closed, drill a hole for a fuse. Now stick an M80 in the pipe. Let fuse come out. Fill pipe with 20000+ BB's. Get any Pokemon to walk in front of it, light it, and run like hell! KA-F***ING-BOOM! Now there are Pokechunks everywhere. (Please do not try this, and I assume no liability if you do...)
13) Take any water Pokemon, and get it near a phone. Generate the phone ringing noise. Have the water Pokemon pick up the phone. From another phone in your house (same line), Say "Goodbye", and jam a 220Volt cord with the leads exposed into the mouthpeice. Drop phone. Plug cord into wall. Laugh sinisterly as the Pokemon becomes Pokefries.
14) Lock any non-fire pokemon in the refridgerator.
15) Get an AK-47 with a bayonette. Run a Pokemon of choice, stab it in the gut with bayonette, run it into a wall, and shoot it to death. Works best with small Pokemon such as Pichu.
16) Have any flying Pokemon fly around you. Have a stinger missile launcher. Fire at Pokemon. Their warm little bodies will have the infared missile going nuts until it hits the Pokemon and BOM! Now ya got Pokedust!
17) Perform open brain surgery on any large headed Pokemon with a tiger saw.
18) Take any Pokemon to the dentist for a root canal. Fortunatly for them, they never get the root canal because you changed the ansthetic with cyanide, nerve gas, or any other choice gas.
19) Bake "Special Brownies". Ya know, replace chocolate with chocolate ex-lax. Since Pokemon have no ass, they will explode after eating from gas.
20) Bake more "Special Brownies". This time use crack cocain instead of sugar. The Pokemon will get so high that they die from organ failure.
21) Tell an organ donating Pokemon it doesn't need any kidneys. Slow, painful death follows.

And here are my tips for any pokémon that could have a situation like that: (please note that my use of the word "crap" there is not because that's the way I would word it, it's because that's the way the pokéhater worded it above. Actually, most of it is worded exactly like the pokéhater did, just for the fun of it)

1) If you're a Pikachu and some pokémon hater is going to tie each of your legs to a Land Rover and have them take off, give him a nice shock, go into one car and drive over him a few times with each car. Donate the bones to The National Cubone & Marowak Association.
2) If you're Pikachu (or any other small pokémon) and a pokémon hater is going to tape you to a payphone, strap several M80's and blockbusters to the payphone and then light and run, show him that it's very stupid to think a bit of tape can hold a pokémon, shock him unconscious, steal his lighter, light and run. Now we have a rainstorm of money and Pokehater-chunks.
3) If you're a Pikachu and you've been told to drive a pokéhater's car down the driveway and have been given the keys but not told that there are 2000lbs of tank shells rigged to the ignition, poke him in the eye with the keys, and give him some jolts until he begs for mercy, then hand him the keys back, and when he is going to drive away as quickly as he can, having forgotten that there are 2000lbs of tank shells rigged to the ignition...
4) If you're a Pikachu and some pokéhater just took you outside with a nail gun, shock him, steal the nail gun and nail him to the ground somewhere where there's a lot of Digletts around.
5) If you're a Pikachu and a pokéhater is going to throw you in an outhouse's crap hole, shock him when he's just about to throw you in so he falls.
6) If you're a Pikachu and a pokéhater told you that he wants to know how a jet engine works, just wait for him to try to throw you through, then shock the jet engine and it will explode and kill the pokéhater, but being a pokémon, you will just faint and walk away unharmed.
7) If you're a Jigglypuff and a pokémon hater is going to fill you with Hydrogen gas, and open fire with a 50cal when you've floated 25 - 30ft, just poke him in the eye with your pen, sing so he falls asleep, then go somewhere far away and use Fire blast on the Hydrogen gas next to the pokéhater.
8) If you're a small pokémon and a pokéhater is going to duct tape you into a small room and leave, just shock him unconscious once you're in the room, then wait until an Abra just happens to pop up inside. Let the Abra teleport you off.
9) If a pokémon hater is going to freeze you with Liquid Nitrogen and hit you with a jackhammer, use Ice beam on him and hit him with his own jackhammer so he shatters.
10) If you've been told by a pokéhater that you've been bad and have to sit in the corner and are then put in a circular room, use any attack of yours that somehow destroys the door, then point it out to him that he's been very bad and is to go out of the room that very instant. Suicide time for HIM.
11) If a pokémon hater is going to drop you out of his B-52 instead of bombs in a war to win it fast, show him the true meaning of war. Right there in the plane.
12) If a pokémon hater wants you to walk in frot of a suspicious pipe, check it out from distance and tell him that it's not made well enough and probably won't explode at all. Offer to fix it for him. Since he won't take help from pokémon, he'll go to fix it. Now there are, again, pokéhater-chunks everywhere.
13) If you're a water pokémon and a pokéhater put you near a phone, find a recording of George Bush's latest speech, and when the phone rings, put it on. Watch the radio being electrocuted, then pick up the phone to hear what a pokémon hater's panic when he thinks he's killed the president of the USA sounds like.
14) If you're any non-fire pokémon and have been locked up in the refrigerator, kindly point it out to him that the only pokémon that would possibly go into a refrigerator when a pokéhater asks it to is Snorlax, and that you doubt he has a refrigerator that big.
15) If a pokémon hater approaches you with an AK-47 with a bayonette, get that friend of yours who's a Ditto to transform into an AK-47 with a bayonette, then stab him instead.
16) If you're a flying pokémon and a pokémon hater is having you fly around him while he has a stinger missile launcher, point it out to him that you are Articuno so his body heat is a lot higher than yours.
17) If you're a large headed pokémon and a pokémon hater is going to perform open brain surgery on you with a tiger saw, have a Hitmonchan dress up as a doctor telling him he will have to have an open brain surgery immediately. Show him X-ray pictures of his own head as a proof. Then have some fun.
18) If a pokémon hater is taking you to the dentist, have your Ditto friend replace the dentist and tell him that dentists are for humans, not animals, but he most certainly was in need of it. Then watch him die from his own cyanide, nerve gas or any other choice gas he substituted for the ansthetic.
19) and 20) Tell any pokéhater who offers you a "Special brownie" that they can have the first one because you're so generous. When he refuses, torture him until he eats one. Repeat until he's eaten them all. Or been tortured to death, whichever comes first.
21) If you're an organ donating pokémon and have been told that you don't need any kidneys, steal his.

Back to home