The Rocket Bride
[The scene opens to Team Rocket's cabin in the woods, it's snowing and looks brutally cold. Scene changes to a boys bedroom where we see a motorcycle game on a TV with James at the controller. He's been sick and after a hearty sneeze he goes back to his game, looking absorbed but throughly bored. After a cough, Jessie comes in to check on him]
Jessie: Feeling any better?
James: A little. [sniff]
Jessie: Well Meowth should be back from getting groceries soon, he said he'd have a surprise for you.
James: Oh boy. He'll come in and scratch my cheek and give me something boring.[sigh]
Jessie: Maybe he won't.
[At that moment Meowth comes in with a bang, walks over and scratches James' cheek lightly. James gives Jessie a look of 'I told ya so']
Jessie: I think I'll just leave you
two guys alone for awhile. [Jessie leaves]
Meowth: Well, how ya feelin' James? Dis oughta cheer ya up! [Meowth hands James a package and he rips it open enthusiasticly]
James: [with more then a little disappointment] It's a book.
Meowth: Yes 'a book'! In da old days books were TV, people read! And dis aint joist any book! I found it on da streets when I was just a 'lil Meowth, and after I loined ta read I read it to meself countless times. And now I'm gonna read it to youse.
James: Does it have any sports?
Meowth: Sports! Are youse kiddin! It's got adventure, fencing, wizards, giants, villeins, deceit, torture, pirates, miracles,..... true love!
James: [James turns off the TV and says sarcasticly] I't doesn't sound too bad, I'll try to stay awake.
Meowth: Well good, yer excitement is overwhelming. Now move over. [James moves over and Meowth gets comfortable] Okay, here we go: “Da Rocket Bride”by Wave Da. Masta.
[Despite James' opinions about the story,
he curls up next to Meowth and listens intently]
[From here on, Meowth will be known as the Narrator]
[Scene shows a young woman riding a Rapidash across the plains to a small farm house. The woman has stunningly long red hair and looks to be in her early twenty s.]
Narrator: Jessibelle [Called
Jessie by everyone] lived on a small farm in da country of
Florin. Her favorite past-times were riding her Rapidash and
tormenting da Farm boi that worked dere. His name was James. But she
never called him dat.
Isn't dat a wonderful beginning?
James: [with no enthusiasm]
Yeah..it's really good. Maybe I'd rather take a nap.
Meowth: Shut up an listen!
Narrator: Nothing gave Jessie as much pleasure as ordering James around.
Jessie: Farm boy, polish my
Rapidash's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by
James: [a handsome looking boy, about mid twenty s, with long, blue hair and strong features] As you Wish.
Narrator: 'As ya wish' was all he eva said ta her.
Jessie: [Holding out two Pokeballs
a two huge buckets] Farm boy, put these in my room and fill these
James: [stops splitting wood] As you wish.
Narrator: Dat day she was amazed ta discova dat when he was saying 'as ya wish,' what he meant was, 'I love ya.' And even more amazing was da day she realized she truly loved him back.
[Scene changes to an older looking Jessie who's eating a small meal and looking at James, who is dressed as though he's leaving on a long journey, as he opens the door and brings in one last armload of wood.]
Jessie: [Softly] Farm boy,
fetch me that pitcher. [Points to the pitcher that's right above
James: [walks up and takes the pitcher off a hook and whispering as he hands it to her] As you wish....
[Scene cuts to James and Jessie standing in the crimson light of a gorgeous sunset, but just as their lips meet, James interjects]
James: [interrupting the story]
Hold it! Hold it! What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's
the hero? Where's the battles and fighting and bad guys and all that
? [Frowns] Is this a kissing book?
Meowth: Wait, just wait.
James: Well when does it get good?
Meowth: Keep yer shirt on an' let me read.
Narrator: James had no money fer marriage so he packed his few belongings an' decided ta' leave da farm ta seek his fortune across da sea. It was a very emotional time fer Jessie.
James: [Interrupting] I don't believe this!
Jessie: [crying] I'm afraid
I'll never see you again...
James:[says comfortingly] Of course you will.
Jessie: But what if something happens to you?
James:[strokes her cheek] Hear this now, I will always come for you.
Jessie: But how can you be sure?
James: This is true love. You think this happens every day? [They kiss and he leaves]
Narrator: James neva' reached his destination. His ship was attacked by da Dread Pirate Koga, who never left captives alive. When Jessie got da news dat James was moidered...
James: [interrupting] Murdered by pirates is good!
Narrator: [continuing] She went into her room and shut da door, and for days she neitha slept nor ate.
[Jessie lifts her tear-stained face to the window, looking to the horizon wistfully]
Jessie: I will never love again.
Narrator: Five years lata da main square of Florin City was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the Great Prince Dario's bride to be.
[Scene shows a tower where the royal family is gathered with a man with his hair tied back with a head-band, and an extremely smug expression on his face. He wears an elaborate robe and clears his throat to get the crowds attention]
Dario: [Trumpets blaring] Mah
people! A month from now, our country will have its 500th
Anniversary. On that sundown I shall marry a woman who was once a
commoner like yourselves. But perhaps you will not find her common
now. Would ya'll like to meet her?!
Crowd: [echoing] Yes!!!
Dario: My people, the Princess Jess-i-belle!!
[The crowd parts to reveal a very distraught and unhappy looking Jessie dressed in a gorgeous white royal dress, and she steps forward miserably. The dress is long and flowing, with a beautiful sash around the waist she looks around to all the peasants then up to Dario]
Narrator: Jessie's emptiness consumed her. Although da law of da land gave Dario da right ta choose his bride, she did not love him. Despite Dario's reassurance that she would grow to love him, the only joy she found was in her daily ride.
[The scene fades to Jessie riding a Rapidash the next morning. She rides across rolling hills and flowing rivers and other stunning scenery and for once she looks mildly happy, until she enters a forest where three people are gathered. One is a rather short, balding, red-haired girl, another a lanky but strong young man with unruly, shoulder length black hair and a small mustache, and another extremely large, bulky man with spiky brown hair and constantly squinting eyes. All but the girl are dressed in simple but comfortable Robbin Hood type outfits. The young man carries a sward and the girl is dressed rather more elegantly then the other two]
Mistini: [halting Jessie] A
word my kind sir? ...We are but poor lost water pokemon circus
performers. Is there a village nearby?
Jessie: [looking puzzled] There is nothing nearby. Not for miles.
Mistiny: [Grins wickedly] Then there will be no one to hear you scream...
[Jessie opens her mouth to scream, but the giant quickly grabs the princess by the neck, rendering her unconscious. They pull her from the Rapidash and carry her to a small ship harbored in a nearby dock]
First young man [Ashigo
Ketcheuya]: [To Mistini] What is that you're
Mistini: It's fabric from the uniform of an army officer of Guilder!
Giant [Fezzbrock]: Who is Guilder?
Mistini: The country across the sea! The sworn enemy of Florin!
[Mistini attaches the cloth to Jessie's Rapidash sends it running into the forest]
Mistini: Go!!! Once the Rapidash
reaches the castle, the fabric will make the princes suspect that the
Guilderians have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead on
the Guilder frontier his suspicions will be totally
Fezzbrock: You never said anything about killing anyone
Mistini: [angrily] I hired you to help me start a war. It's a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition!
Fezzbrock: I just don't think it's right...killing an innocent gerl.
Mistini: Am I going mad, or did the word 'think' escape your lips?!! You were not hired for your brains you hippotanic land mass!!
Ashigo: [interrupting] I agree with Fezzbrock.
Mistini: Oh, the sot has spoken! What happens to her is not truly your concern! I will kill her! And remember this, never forget this; [screaming in Ashigo's face] When I found you, you were so slobbering drunk, you couldn't buy brandy!!! [Turning to Fezzbrock] And you! Friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless!! Do you want me to send you to where you were? Unemployed, in Viridian forest!?!
[Mistini walks away, angered, and sets the ship free]
Ashigo: Mistini, she
Fezzbrock: Fuss, fuss, I think she likes to scream at us.
Ashigo: Probably she means no...harm.
Fezzbrock: She's very very short on...charm.
Ashigo: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzbrock: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Mistini: [overhearing Fezzbrock] Enough of that!
Ashigo: Fezzbrock, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzbrock: If there are, we all be dead.
Mistini: No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Fezzbrock: Anybody want a peanut?
[Scene fades to the ship sailing in calm waters at night. Jessie is sitting at the head of the ship, staring wistfully into a full moon, as if remembering something painful, while the others man the vessel]
Mistini: We'll reach the cliffs by
dawn. [Turns to Ashigo] Why are you doing that? [directed
at Ashigo, who is staring behind]
Ashigo: Making sure nobody is following us.
Mistini: [smiling] That would be inconceivable.
Jessie: [Turns from the moon to interject into the conversation] Despite what you think, you will be caught; and when you are, the prince will see you all hanged.
Mistini: Of all the necks on this boat, highness, the one you should be worrying about is your own....[pausing, then glancing at Ashigo] Stop doing that! We can all relax! It's almost over.
Ashigo: Are you sure nobody is following us?
Mistini: [angrily] As I told you it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable! No one in Guilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. [pauses] Out of curiosity, why do you ask?
Ashigo: Suddenly, I just happened to look behind us and something is there.
Mistini: [in disbelief] What?! [Turns, only now spying a ship in the distance and shrugs] ...Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night through Gyrados infested waters.
[A splash is heard as the captive princess leaps over the edge of the ship in a feeble but noble attempt to escape]
Mistini: What?! Go in!! Go after
Ashigo: [frankly] I don't swim.
Fezzbrock: [turning to Mistini] I only dog-paddle...[Mimics the act]
[She runs to steer the ship frantically, but goes to the edge to find the wayward Princess]
Mistini: Veer left! ...left! ...left!
[suddenly, horrible screeching is heard and she grins at the
confused Jessie] Do you know what that sound is, highness? Those
are the shrieking Gyrados!
[Jessie looks about, panicked as a few blue streaks whiz by her in the water]
If you don't believe me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh! If you swim back now I promise no harm will come to you...I doubt you'll get such an offer from the Gyrados!
[Jessie makes no move to swim back, but her green eyes widen as a Gyrados rears from the water and speeds straight for her. She closes his eyes in terror and the scene cuts away to poor, sick, James and his feline cohort]
Meowth: [Narrator] She doesn't
get eaten by da Gyrados at dis time.
James: [gripping his blanket so hard his hands were turning white] W-what?
Meowth: The Gyrados doesn't get her...I'm explainin' to ya because ya looked noivous.
James: I...I weren't nervous. Well maybe I were a little bit...concerned but that's not the same thing.
Meowth: ...Because we can stop now if ya want.
James: No, you could read a little bit more If you want to that is. [Looks pleadingly at the cat to continue]
Meowth: [reading Mistini's part]
'Do you know what that sound is highness? Those are the shrieking
James: Pass that, Meowth. You read it already.
Meowth: I did? Ak, so I did. I'm sorry. Beg your pardon. [now mumbling to himself] alright, alright, lets see..uh...She was in the water, the Gyrados was going after her, she was frightened, the thing started to charge her and then...
[Scene cuts back to the story and Fezzbrock reaches out of the boat, hits the Gyrados on the head, and pulls Jessie back on Board]
Mistini: Put her down! Just put her down!
[Fezzbrock sets Jessie gently on the floor of the boat, seemingly very concerned about her wellbeing]
Ashigo: [looking back at the other
ship again] I think he's getting closer!
Mistini: He's no concern of ours! Sail on! [now, turning to Jessie] I suppose you think you're brave, don't you?
Jessie: [panting] Only compared to some.
[Dawn breaks on the tiny ship, revealing Ashigo still standing sentinel and looking to the shop following them. Jessie has fallen asleep, leaning against the hull, Fezzbrock seems to be dozing off, but Mistini stands at the head of the ship, grinning as they approach an extremely tall, jagged and rocky cliff on a lush green shore]
Ashigo: Look! He is right on top of
us! I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using?
Mistini: Whoever he is, he's too late! See! [pointing skyward] The Cliffs of Insanity!!! Hurry up! [Motions to miscellaneous parts of the boat] Move..the thing...and that other thing! Move it!!! [climbing out] Were safe, only Fezzbrock is strong enough to go up our way. He'll have to sail around for hours 'till he finds a harbor.
[Fezzbrock, all three tied and holding on to him, proceeds to climb a rope up the side of the cliff. Jessie seems terrified, burying her face into Fezzbrock's side as Ashigo glances downward]
Ashigo: [in amazement] He's
climbing the rope....and he's gaining on us.
Mistini: Inconceivable! ....Faster!!
Fezzbrock: I thought I was going faster.
Mistini: You were supposed to be this colossus, you were this great legendary thing and yet he gains!
Fezzbrock: Well, I'm carrying three people, and he's got only himself.
Mistini: I do not accept excuses! I'm just going to have to find myself a new giant, that's all. Did I make it clear that your job is at stake?
Fezzbrock: Don't say that, Mistini, please?
[Fezzbrock reaches the cliff, and Ashigo jumps off and very gently helps the stricken Jessie over to a large rock to rest. Ashigo then helps up mistini and Fezzbrock. Mistini reacts instantly, pulling out a small dagger to slash the rope. Everyone watches as it careens of the edge and disappears. Everyone but Jessie, who remains sitting, dash over to it and look down to see a lithe young man clad only in black still clinging for dear life to the sharp rocks of the cliff.]
Fezzbrock: He's got very good
Mistini: He didn't fall! Inconceivable!
Ashigo: [looking confused] Why you keep using that word? I do not think it means what you think it means...[looking back down to see the man is higher up and still proceeding] My god...He's climbing.
Mistini: Whoever he is, he's obviously seen us with the princess and, therefore, must die. You [to Fezzbrock] carry her. [Points to Jessie] [to Ashigo] We'll head straight for the Guilder frontier. Catch up when he's dead. If he falls, fine; if not, the sword.
Ashigo: I'm going to do him left-handed.
Mistini: You know what a hurry we're in!
Ashigo: Well, it is the only way I can be satisfied. If I use my right, it's over too quickly.
Mistini: Oh have it your way.
Fezzbrock: [to Ashigo] You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.
Mistini: [impatiently] I'm waiting...
[Fezzbrock shrugs and gingerly lifts Jessie from the ground, slinging her over his back. He walks off with Mistini, leaving Ashigo. He draws his sword, lunges forward in a practice maneuver and spars with and blocks an invisible opponent. He eventually grows restless and leans over the edge, waving cordially to the man scaling the sheer face of the cliff]
Ashigo : Hello there. Slow going?
Man in black: Look, I don't mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me.
Ashigo : [apologetic] Sorry.
Man in black: Thank You.
[Ashigo turns back, but almost instantly appears over the edge of the cliff again]
Ashigo: [pauses] I do not
suppose you could speed things up?
Man in black: If you're in such a hurry you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do.
Ashigo: I could do that. I still got some rope up here. But I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.
Man in black: That does put a damper on our relationship.
Ashigo: ...but, I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.
Man in black: That's very comforting, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.
Ashigo: [turns away and says under his breath] I hate waiting. [turns back quickly] I could give you my word as a Spaniard Twerp?
Man in black: [struggling up the cliff side] No good. I've known too many Spaniards, and Twerps.
Ashigo: Is there another way you'll trust me?
Man in black: Nothing comes to mind.
Ashigo: [seriously] I swear on the soul of my departed Pikachu, Domingo Ketcheuya, you will reach the top alive.
Man in black: [Looks up and realizes that it's either trust him or fall] Throw me the rope.
[Ashigo nods gratefully and retrieves the rope Mistini had cut, throwing the sliced end down to the Man in Black. He accepts it, climbing the rest of the way with ease, allowing Ashigo to help him, out of breath, onto the top of the cliff]
Man in black: [exhausted]
Thank you. [He struggles to draw his sword, but Ashigo raises a
hand to stop him]
Ashigo: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait 'till you're ready.
Man in black: Again, thank you. [He sits down on a nearby rock, removing one of his black knee-high boots and dumping a great deal of rocks from it. Ashigo notes his outrageously blue hair and mustache as he puts it back on and adjusts the black mask he wears over his inquisitive emerald eyes]
Ashigo: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
Man in black: Do you always begin conversations this way?
Ashigo: My Pikachu was slaughtered by a six fingered trainer.
[The man in black pauses, but lifts his hand revealing five fingers.]
Ashigo: He was a great Pokemon, my Pikachu. When the six-fingered trainer appeared and requested a special Pokemon for a tournament, my Pikachu took the job. He slaved a year in training before he was done. [Ashigo reaches into his tunic and pulls out a picture of a Pikachu. It seems to be in extraordinarily good shape, and the Man in black inspects it carefully, then hands it back to Ashigo]
Man in black: I've never seen its
Ashigo : At end of tournament, six fingered trainer appear and demand he enter another one...but at one-tenth their promised price. My Pikachu refuse. Without a word, the six fingered trainer slew him through the heart. [Fervently] I loved my Pikachu, so naturally I challenged this man to a duel. I failed...Six fingered trainer leave me alive, but he gave me this [Ashigo shows the man in black a short scar along his cheek bone] and this [another scar to match it].
Man in black: How old were you?
Ashigo : I was eleven years old. When I was strong enough, I made myself a sward in honer of my Pikachu and dedicated my life to the study of fencing; so the next time we meet I will not fail. I will go up to the six fingered trainer and say 'Hello, my name is Ashigo Ketcheuya. You killed my Pikachu. Prepare to die.'
Man in black: [intrigued] You've done nothing but study sword-play?
Ashigo: [matter of fact] Well, more pursue than study lately. You see, I cannot find the trainer...it's been twenty years now and I'm starting to lose confidence. I just work for Mistini to pay to bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge.
[The man in black mulls the story over for a bit, but eventually he draws in a deep breath and stands, drawing his sword.]
Man in black: Well I....I certainly
hope you find that trainer someday.
Ashigo: You all ready then?
Man in black: Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair.
Ashigo: [drawing his sword] You seem a decent fellow...I hate to kill you.
Man in black: You seem a decent fellow...I'd hate to die.
Ashigo: [confidently] Begin.
[The duo touches swords and they begin. The two fighters seem to be of equal talent, the force of their blows forcing each back interchangeably and Ashigo eventually forces the man in black to the top of an old ruin]
Ashigo: You are using
Bonetties Defense against me, ah?
Man in black: I thought it fitting considering the rocky terrain.
Ashigo: Naturally, you must suspect me to attack with Capa Fero?
Man in black: Naturally...but I find that Tibal cancels out Capa Fero. Don't you?
Ashigo: Unless the enemy has studied his Agliepa...which I have.
[They continue to exchange attacks and parries, and Ashigo grins as if he remembered something humorous, lunging forward toward the strange man which he avoids artfully]
Ashigo: You are wonderful!
Man in black: Thank you. I've worked hard to become so.
Ashigo: I admit it, you are better than I am.
Man in black: Then why are you smiling?
Ashigo: Because I know something you don't know.
Man in black: [inquiring] And what is that?
Ashigo: [His grin broadens as he deftly tosses his sword into his other hand] I am not left-handed!
[The turn of the battle changes, and Ashigo forces the man in black to a high remnant of an old tower, slamming him against the crumbling stone wall. He looks down to the ground below and winces as a brick smashes against it, but smiles as he turns back to Ashigo]
Man in black: You're amazing!
Ashigo : I ought to be after twenty years.
Man in black: [struggling to keep Ashigo from pushing him over] There's something I ought to tell you.
Ashigo: Tell me!
Man in black: I'm not left-handed either.
[The man in black switches his sword hands, knocking the sword from Ashigo's hand with on deft movement. He [Ashigo] whirled around, and spots a small wooden bar that was once the top of a door. He leaps into the air, gripping it as he swings clumsily over it, landing hard and runs to pick up his sword. The man in black merely grins, tossing his sword into a small tuft of grass, where it sticks neatly straight up. He jumps up to the same bar, flipping over it twice and launching himself into the air. He executes his landing with extreme precision directly behind his sword and he grins devilishly at Ashigo before plucking it practically from the ground, much to his astonishment]
Ashigo: [in awe] Who are
Man in black: No one of consequence.
Ashigo: I must know.
Man in black: Get used to disappointment.
Ashigo: [disappointed] Okay...
[The battle rages on again, this time, the man in black is dominating. Ashigo becomes flustered as he gains control of his blade, sweeping it in a wide arc out of his hand and he closes his eyes as he feels cold steel against his throat]
Ashigo: [kneeling] Kill me
Man in black: I would as soon destroy a stained glass window as an artist like yourself. However, since I can't have you following me either...
[The man in black raises the hilt of his sword above Ashigo's head, and brings it down sharply to knock him unconscious. He smiles courteously as he crumples to the ground and bows in regard]
Man in black: [sincerely] Please understand I hold you in the highest respect.
[The man in black leaves the unconscious Ashigo on the ground, and runs off along the path she sees Mistini's and Fezzbrock's footprints heading. They see him from the base of a tall hill, and Mistini scowls as she knows Ashigo is beaten]
Mistini: Inconceivable!! Give her to
me! [He takes Jessie from Fezzbrock] Catch up with us
Fezzbrock: What do I do?
Mistini: Finish him! Finish him...your way...
Fezzbrock: Oh good. My way. Thank you Mistini. Which way's my way?
Mistini: [irritated] Pick up one of those rocks, get behind a boulder, and in a few minutes the Man in black will come running around the bend. The minute his HEAD is in view: hit it with the rock!
Fezzbrock: [to himself] My way is not very sportsman-like.
[The man in Black continues to run, his eyes focused on the black spot of Mistini and Princess Jessibelle disappearing over the crest of the hill. He stops as a huge rock whizzes by his head, exploding with a flurry of shards on a larger rock next to him. He looks to the origin of the assault and assumes a defensive stance as a massive, tanned and bulky man steps out from behind a boulder, brandishing another stone]
Fezzbrock: I did that on purpose. I
didn't have to miss.
Man in black: I believe you. [pauses] So what happens now?
Fezzbrock: We face each other as god intended; sportsman-like...no tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
Man in black: You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?
Fezzbrock: [smiles and holds up a large rock] I could kill you now.
Man in black: [He sets his sword down warily] Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.
Fezzbrock: It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.
[The man in black charges Fezzbrock, wrapping his arms about his waist in an attempt to knock him down. It doesn't work however, and he tries several more times, each as unsuccessful as the last]
Man in black: [agitated] Look,
are you just fiddling around with me or what?
Fezzbrock: I just want you to feel you are doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed. [Fezzbrock grasps at the man, but he ducks deftly under his cumbersome legs, alluding his grasp] You're quick!
Man in black: Good thing too.
Fezzbrock: [swinging at the man in black] Why are you wearing a mask? Were you burned by acid or something like that?
Man in black: Oh no, [dodges many more punches from Fezzbrock] it's just they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.
[The man in black manages to leap onto Fezzbrock's back, encircling his arms about his neck in an attempt to choke him. Fezzbrock reacts quite sensibly, slamming the man in black's back against a boulder]
Fezzbrock: I just feared you would
give me so much trouble.
Man in black: Why is that, do you think?
Fezzbrock: Well, I haven't fought just one person for so long...[struggles more with the man in black]...I've been specializing in groups, fighting gangs for local charities...that kind of thing.
[Fezzbrock makes his way slowly to another boulder as he begins to lose his struggle with air]
Man in black: Why should that make
such a [Fezzbrock slams him hard against another boulder, and his
speech is impaired with pain as he speaks again]
Fezzbrock: [slowing down] You see, you use different moves when your fighting half a dozen people, then when you only have to worry about one.
[Fezzbrock finally loses his altercation for air, collapsing to the ground with the man in black on top of him. He doesn't move, but probes under his jaw to ensure he's still alive. Finding a steady pulse, he slides off, and kneels by him reverently]
Man in black: I do not envy the headache you will have when you awake. But in the meantime, rest well and dream of large women.
[He pats him affectionately and stands to gather his sword and continue his pursuit of Mistini and Jessie]
[The scene cuts to Prince Dario and his guard, which are all mounted on gallant Rapidash [except Dario who, naturally, is riding on a Dodrio] and casting cynical looks toward to blue-haired young man who had long dismounted, and was examining the battleground of Ashigo and the man in black. With him is his trusted adviser, Count Gary Oak, who rides up to him to urge him on]
Dario: [examining the ground]
There was a mighty duel. It ranged all over.......They were both
Count Gary: Who won? How did it end?
Dario: The loser ran off alone, and the winner followed those footprints toward Guilder...
Count Gary: Shall we track them both?
Dario: The loser is nothin'. Only my beloved princess matters. Clearly this was all planned by unrefined roguish warriors of Guilder! We must all be ready for whatever lies ahead.
Count Gary: Could this be a trap?
Dario: Ah always think everything could be a trap. That is why I am still alive.
[Dario and his guard ride off to the sound of the trumpets, and the scene cuts back to the man in black]
[The man in black crests the hill in a run, but stops as he chances upon a small table set up at the very top. Mistini sits behind it with a bound and blindfolded Princess Jessibelle next to her, pressing a dagger threateningly into her throat. She has food and wine set out, and she grins sadistically at the man in black as he steps cautiously toward her]
Mistini: So, it is down to
you, and it is down to me...if you wish her dead, by all means keep
Man in black: [Stops in his tracks, for a moment, but continues] Let me explain...
Mistini: There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen.
Man in black: Perhaps an arrangement can be reached?
Mistini: There will be no arrangements...and you're killing her. [Jessie whimpers as she feels the dagger being jammed harder into her throat]
Man in black: But if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.
Mistini: I'm afraid so. I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
Man in black: You're that smart?
Mistini: Let me put it this way: Have you ever heard or Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
Man in black: Yes.
Man in black: Really! In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.
Mistini: For the princess? [He nods] To the death? [He nods again] I accept! [Mistini puts the dagger down]
Man in black: Good, then pour the wine.
[Mistini pours the wine, and the man in black takes out a small wooden vile and uncorks it, extending it out to Mistini] Inhale this but do not touch.
Mistini: [taking a vial from the man in black and sniffing it] I smell nothing.
Man in black: What you do not smell is called Iocaine powder. It is odorless, tasteless, and dissolves instantly in liquid and is among the more deadly poisons.
Mistini: [shrugs with laughter] Hmmm.
[The man takes both goblets of wine, taking them behind his back and pouring the Iocaine powder into presumably one of them. He pockets the vial of poison, and extends the goblets to the table. With a slight, deft movement of his hands, he mimics the manner of a magician, and sets the two drinking vessels down]
Man in black: Alright, where is the
poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we
both drink - and find out who is right, and who is dead.
Mistini: But it's so simple! All I have to do is divine it from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you...But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in black: You've made your decision then?
Mistini: [happily] Not remotely! Because Iocaine comes from Australia. As everyone knows, Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So, I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Man in black: [Nodding mockingly] Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Mistini: Wait 'till I get going!! ...now, where was I?
Man in black: Australia.
Mistini: Yes! Australia! And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in black: You're just stalling now.
Mistini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you! You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong...so you could have put the poison in your own goblet trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spanish Twerp, which means you must have studied...and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!
Man in black: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.
Mistini: It has worked! You've given everything away! I know where the poison is!
Man in black: Then make your choice.
Mistini: I will, and I choose...[pointing behind the man in black] What in the world can that be?
Man in black: [turning around, while Mistini switches goblets with a delighted grin] What?! Where?! I don't see anything.
Mistini: Oh, well, I...I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. [Mistini bursts into quite snickers]
Man in black: What's so funny?
Mistini: I...I'll tell you in a minute. First, lets drink, me from my glass and you from yours.
[They cast each other critical glances as they both drink slowly, both looking as if they know the other is wrong]
Man in black: You guessed
Mistini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha, you fool!! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia; and only slightly less well known is this: Never go in against a Waterflower, when death is on the line!
[Mistini bursts into peals of absolute hysterical laughter, and the man in black remains completely composed. The man in black merely watches as Mistini suddenly stops all movement and laughter, and falls heavily to the side, dead before she even hit the ground. He smiles wickedly to himself and moves to the Princess, removing her blindfold, and moving to untie her wrists and ankles. She looks to her rescuer, seemingly disappointed his face is hidden by a mask, but there's something about him that seems familiar to her]
Jessie: Who are you?
Man in black: I'm no one to be trifled with. That is all you'll ever need know.
Jessie: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.
Man in black: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up immunity to iocaine powder.
[The scene switches back to Dario and his men, who are at the scene of the man in black and Fezzbrock's battle]
Dario: Someone has beaten a giant. There will be great suffering in Guilder if she dies!
[The scene jumps back to the man in black, who is leading a very distressed and reluctant Princess Jessie across a jagged rocky terrain. He stops suddenly, and throws the red-haired young woman onto a nearby rock sharply]
Man in black: Catch your
Jessie: If you'll release me, whatever you ask for ransom you'll get it, I promise you.
Man in black: [laughing] And what is that worth... the promise of a woman...You're very funny highness.
Jessie: [catching her breath] I was giving you a chance. It does not matter where you take me. There is no greater hunter than Prince Dario. He can track a falcon on a cloudy day. He can find you.
Man in black: You think your dearest love will save you?
Jessie: [insulted] I never said he was my dearest love. And yes, he will save me - that I know.
Man in black: [surprised] You admit to me you do not love your fiance?.
Jessie: He knows I do not love him.
Man in black: [snapping] ...Are not capable of love is what you mean.
Jessie: [taken back] I have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream!
Man in black: [raising his hand at Jessie, who turns her head to accept the strike that never comes] That was a warning, highness! The next time my hand flies on its own; where I come from there are penalties when a woman lies.
[The scene cuts back to Dario, examining the last battle scene where Mistini still lies dead with the wine and food]
Dario: Iocaine! Ah'd bet my life on it. And there are the princess's footprints. She is alive, or was an hour ago...if she is otherwise, I shall be very put out!
[Back to the man in black and the princess, who are still running, but stop at the top of an unnaturally high hill]
Man in black: Rest, highness.
Jessie: I know who you are. Your cruelty reveals everything. You're the Dread Pirate Koga, admit it!
Man in black: With pride. What can I do for you?
Jessie: You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces.
Man in black: [shaking his head and tutting] Hardly complimentary, your highness...Why do you assure venom on me?
Jessie: [upset] You killed my love.
Man in black: It's possible, I kill a lot of people. Who was this love of yours? Another prince like this one...ugly, rich, and scabby?
Jessie: No, a farm boy...poor! Poor and perfect, with eyes like the sea after a storm. On the high-seas your ship attacked, and the Dread Pirate Koga never takes prisoners!
Man in black: I can't afford to make exceptions. I mean once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft people begin to disobey him and its nothing but work, work, work all the time.
Jessie: You mock my pain!
Man in black: Life is pain, highness! Anyone who says differently is selling something. [pausing for a bit] I remember this farm boy of yours I think. This would be what? Five years ago? Does it bother you to hear?
Jessie: Nothing you can say will upset me.
Man in black: He died well, that should please you. No bribe attempts or blubbering. He simply said please, please, I need to live. It was the please that caught my memory. I asked what was so important for him; 'True love' he replied. And then he spoke of a girl of surpassing tenderness, beauty and faithfulness...I can only assume he meant you. You should bless me for destroying him before he found out what you really are.
Jessie: And what am I?
Man in black: Faithfulness he talked of, highness, your enduring faithfulness! Now tell me truly, when you found out he was gone did you get engaged to your prince that same hour or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?!
Jessie: You mocked me once! Never do it again! I died that day!
[Horns resound over the hillside, and the man in black turns to look as Dario, Count Gary, and the rest of his forces appear in the distance. Seeing his chance, Jessie puts her hands on the man's shoulders, preparing to shove him]
Jessie: [Pushing him down the
hillside] You can die too, for all I care!!
Man in black: [tumbling down and echoing] As.......you.....wiiiish.......
Jessie: [shocked, finally realizing what she has done] Oh, my sweet James, what have I done?
[Jessie hurls herself down the mountain after her beloved as Dario nears it]
Dario: They disappeared. They must have seen us closin' in, which might account for his panickin' into error. Unless Ah'm wrong, and Ah'm never wrong, they are headed straight into the fire swamp! [looks solemn]
[James and Jessie finally come to a stop at the base of the hill, and James is the first up, revealing he has lost his black mask as he moves to help Jessie]
James: Can you move at all?
Jessie: [looks up, joyous] Move? You're alive! If you want I could fly.
James: [holding Jessie] I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?
Jessie: [sincerely] Well, you were dead.
James: But death cannot stop true love...All it can do is delay it for awhile.
Jessie: I will never doubt again.
James: There will never be a need.
[James and Jessie close their eyes as their lips meet in their first kiss for far too long]
James: [interrupting the story]
Oh, no! No. Please!
Meowth: What is it? What's da matta?
James: [disgusted] They're kissing again. We are NOT listening to the kissing part!
Meowth: Someday ya might not mind so much.
James: Get on to the fire swamp, that sounded good!
Meowth: Eh...yer sick, I'll humor ya. Oh, okay....[Meowth flips past the romance scene and find the page where they enter the fire swamp]
Meowth: James and Jessie raced along the ravine floor.
James: Aha! Your pig fiance is too
late! A few more steps and we'll be safe in the fire swamp.
Jessie: [worried] We'll never survive.
James: [confident] Nonsense! You're only saying that because no one ever has.
[James and Jessie continue along their path into the dank dreary swamp. It's completely dark, and everything in of a sickly green or black color. The trees hang with moss, and drip with a putrid liquid which Jessie wrinkles her nose at as James looks around, nodding]
James: It's not that bad...[receives a glance from Jessie] Well I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here but the trees are actually quite lovely.
[They continue on until a loud popping sound is heard. They stop, unsure of what it is, and are answered by a blast of fire erupting from the ground. Jessie leaps back as the hem of her dress catch fire, shrieking but allowing James to seat her on a log. He remains composed, and is able to smother the flames with ease]
James: Well now, that was an
adventure. Singed a bit, were you?
Jessie: [nervously shaking his head no] You?
[James simply shakes his head no, and lifts Jessie from the log, and they continue on their way. The same popping sound is heard and James lifts Jessie artfully, his eyes never straying from their path as he sets him down out of the path of the flame]
James: Well, one thing I will say;
the fire swamp certainly does keep you on your toes. This will all
soon be but a happy memory. [James cuts through a mass of vines]
Koga's ship, Revenge, is banked at the far end. And as you now know,
I am Koga.
Jessie: But how's that possible, since he's been marauding 20 years and you only left me 5 years ago?
James: I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks. See, what I told you before about saying please was true...it intrigued Koga, as did my descriptions of you. Finally, Koga decided something. He said, 'Alright James, never had a valet, you can try if you'd like. I'm most likely to kill you in the morning.' For three years he said that. 'Good night James, good work, sleep well, I'll most likely kill you in the morning.' It was a fine time for me - I was learning to fence, fight, anything anyone would teach me. Koga and I eventually became friends. And then it happened. [He stops]
Jessie: What? Go on.
James: Well Koga had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. He took me to his cabin and told me his secret. 'I am not the Dread Pirate Koga,' he said, 'my name is Ryar. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate Koga, just as you will inherit it from me.
James: [continuing] The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Pirate Koga either - his name was Cumberbun. The real Koga had been retired 15 years and was living like a king in Patagonia.' Thank you.[James said as Jessie brushed a vine away] Then he explained the name was the important for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate James. So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew and he stayed aboard for awhile as first mate, all the time calling me Koga. Once the crew believed, he left the ship and I have been Koga ever since. Except now that we're together, I shall retire and hand the name over to someone else. Is everything clear to you?
[Jessie nods, but mere seconds later she steps into a pit of suspicious looking sand, disappearing beneath it in an instant. James thinks and reacts quickly, cutting a secure vine loose from a tree, tying it about himself and diving in after his beloved. There is a moment of silence as an odd creature cautiously inspects the patch of sand where the two humans disappeared. Finally deciding it wasn't worth the effort, the creature turned to leave, only to be startled by the sound of both people bursting from the sand. James draws in a deep breath, feeling Jessie still clinging for dear life onto him, and using the previously devised vine, he drags them both out of the pit. He holds Jessie close as they both weakly crawl to safety, coughing and gasping for breath]
Jessie: We'll never succeed. We may
as well die here.
James: No, no. [still gasping] We have already succeeded. [He stands, bringing Jessie with him as he strides away from the sand] I mean, what are the three terrors of the fire swamp? One, the flame spurt - no problem- there's a popping sound preceding each. We can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.
Jessie: James, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?
James: Raticate's Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.
[The second James finishes his sentence, as if just to prove him wrong, a huge, brown and ugly rat Pokemon leaps from nowhere and knocks him to the ground]
Jessie: [screaming] James!!
[James attempts to fend off the Raticate, but to ward off a furious hyper fang attack, he raises his arms in defense, the rodent latches onto it and he screams in pain and punches it off. Jessie grabs a nearby tree branch and prepares to hit it, it turns on her]
[James was crawling off to grab his sward,but as Jessie screams he jumps on the Raticate and tries to overpower it again, after a few seconds it manages to get its teeth around his shoulder. He cries out in agony again, but grins sadistically as he recognizes the popping sound of the fire spurts. The blue-head rolls over just as it erupts, placing the Raticate's back directly in the line of the fire. It howls in agony and hobbles away, but James picks up his sword and stabs it, stabbing it a few times even after it was dead, just for good measure. James then grabs the completely shocked Jessie's arm and they press on]
[Scene cuts to outside of the fire swamp,
where James and Jessie emerge looking quite beaten and ragged, but
Jessie: [triumphantly] We did it!
James: Now, was that so terrible?
[All of a sudden, a furious galloping of Rapidash and one Dodrio is heard, and James narrows his eyes as Dario rides directly up to him]
James: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well then, I accept.
Dario: I give you full marks for bravery. Don't make yourself a fool.
James: Ah, but how will you capture us? We know the secrets of the fire swamp. We can live there quite happily for some time, so whenever you feel like dying, feel free to visit.
[Unbeknownst to James, Jessie spots several archers appear from the bushes, and knowing it would only take the signal from Dario to take her James from her forever]
Dario: I tell
ya once again, surrender!
James: Will not happen! [James draws his sword]
Dario: [shouting] It's quite un-princelike for me to yell, but for the last time, surrender!!!!
James: [angrily] Death first!
Jessie: [interrupting] Will you promise not to hurt him?
Dario: What was that?
James: What was that?
Jessie: If we surrender, and I return with you, will you promise not to hurt this man?
Dario: May I live a thousand years and never hunt again!
Jessie: He is a sailor on the pirate ship Revenge. Promise to return him to his ship.
Dario: I swear it will be done. [Dario whispers to Count Gary] Once we're out of sight, take him back to Florin and throw him in the Pit of Despair.
Count Gary: I swear it will be done.
Jessie: [to James] I thought you were dead once, and it almost destroyed me. I could not bear it if you died again, not when I could save you.
[James grabs Jessie's hands, letting them
slip from his gasp as she is lifted onto Dario's Dodrio and taken
away, then turning to the man she left with him, Count Gary]
Count Gary: [to James] Come sir, we must get you to your ship.
James: We are people of action, lies do not become us.
Count Gary: Well spoken Sir. [He motions for the guards to escort him away, and James grins as he notices the Count has six fingers.] What is it?
James: You have six fingers on your right hand. Someone was looking for you...
[Count Gary scowls at him and quickly knocks James out with the hilt of his sword.]
[Scene cuts to what appears to be a torture room, and a odd man with short, faded to nearly white teal hair and skin, enters and proceeds to where the unconscious James lies strapped, shirtless to a wooden platform. He notes the wound in his shoulder, and dips a cloth in water gingerly dabbing the blood away from it as he awakens]
James: Where am I?
Butch: [in a raspy voice] The Pit of Despair....don't even think...[cough, gag] [Butch speaks again, and James is amused to hear his voice, remain raspy as it was before.] Don't even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. And don't dream of being rescued either, the only way in is secret. Only the Prince, the Count and I know how to get in and out.
James: Then I'm here 'till I die?
Butch: 'Till they kill you, yeah.
James: Then why bother curing me?
Butch: Well, the Prince and the Count always insist on everyone being healthy before they're broken.
James: So it's to be torture. [Butch gestures happily to the various devices in the room] I can cope with torture. [Butch vigorously shakes his head no and James raises an eyebrow at him] You don't believe me?
Butch: You survived the fire-swamp, you must be very brave. [then with a fiendish grin] But nobody withstands "The Machine".
[Scene cuts back to the castle, where Prince Dario and Count Gary watch Jessie mope miserably by. Dario seems saddened himself, but only for a mere second before shrugging and turning to the count]
Dario: She's been like that ever
since that simply dreadful fire swamp! It's my father's failing
health that's upsetting her.
Count Gary: [comfortingly] Of course.
Narrator: Da King died dat very night, and before da followin' dawn, Jessie and Dario were married. And at noon she met her subjects again, dis time as deir Queen.
Dario: [to anticipating crowd] Mah father's final words were...
James: Hold it! Hold it! [Meowth
looks up to see James clinging to his covers again] Meowth, you
read that wrong. She doesn't marry Dario, she marries James. I'm just
sure of it...after all that James did for her, if she didn't marry
him, it wouldn't be fair.
Meowth: Well who says life is fair? Where is dat written? Life isn't always fair!
James: [angry] I'm telling you, you're messing up the story! Now get it right!
Meowth: [annoyed] Do ya want me ta go on wit' dis or not?
James: [apologetic] Yes.
Meowth: Alright den, no more interruptions. At noon she met her subjects again, dis time as deir Queen.
[Cut back to the story, where an overjoyed looking Dario is standing]
Dario: Mah father's final words were, 'Love her, as I loved her and there will be joy.?[He looks confused at his sentence, but shrugs it off as he motions to a doorway leading into the courtyard] Ah present to you, your Queen; Queen Jess-i-belle!
[There is fanfare as an utterly miserable looking Jessie, in an elaborate crown and a long golden wedding gown with intricate embroidery, steps timidly forward. The crowd parts to let her through, but a haggard old woman with two purplish pigtails rushes up, pointing an accusing finger at her]
Cassidy: [in a horrid voice]
Booooooo! Booooooo! Boooooooo!
Jessie: [upset] Why do you do this?
Cassidy: Because you had love in your hands and you gave it up!
Jessie: But they would have killed James if I hadn't done it!
Cassidy: Your true love lives, and you marry another! [She turns to the crowd as she speaks, pointing vindictively at Jessie as she states the evidence] True love saved her in the fire swamp, and she treated it like garbage! And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse! So bow down to her if you want! Bow to her! Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of putrescence! Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo! Booooooooo!!!!!
[Scene cuts sharply to Jessie sitting bolt upright in bed, clutching her blankets in terror to her breast]
Narrator: It was ten days 'till da weddin'. Da king still lived, but Jessie's nightmares were becoming steadily woise.
[James]: [Interrupting] See?
Didn't I tell you he'd never marry that rotten Dario?
[Meowth]: Yes, yes; yer very smart. Now shut up.
[We return to the story to see Dario and Count Gary in his quarters discussing wedding plans. Dario smiles at the design for the outfits for their Pokemon, and is grinning wickedly at some papers on his desk, as Jessie bursts through the doors; startling them both]
Jessie: It comes to this: I love
James, I always have - I know now I always will. If you tell me I
must marry thee in ten days, please believe I will be dead by
Dario: Ah could never cause you grief darling. Consider our wedding off. [turns to the Count] You um...returned this 'James' to his ship?
Count Gary: [in a sly voice] Yes.
Dario: Then we will simply alert him. Beloved, [to Jessie] are you certain he still wants you? After all it was you who did the leaving in the fire swamp. Not to mention that, uh, pirates are not known as people of their words. Oh and they're so unrefined!
Jessie: My James will always come for me.
Dario: [with a huge fake smile] I suggest a deal. You write four copies of a letter. I'll send my four fastest ships, one in each direction. The Dread Pirate Koga is always close to Florin this time of year. We'll run up the white flag and deliver your message. If James wants you, bless you both; if not, please consider me as an alternative to suicide. Are we agreed?
[Jessie nods in approval and leaves the room quietly to go write her letters and Dario, along with Count Gary, get up and leave the room as well]
[Scene cuts to a secluded area of the woods, the prince and the count head straight for one of the trees; chatting nonchalantly]
Count Gary: Your princess is quite a
winning creature. A trifle simple, perhaps. Her appeal is
Dario: Ah, I know, the people are quite taken with her. It's odd, but when I hired Mistini to have her murdered on our engagement day, I thought that was clever. But it's going to be so much more moving when I strangle her on our weddin' night! Once Guilder is blamed, the nation will truly be outraged - they'll demand we go to war!
Count Gary: [snickers, then examines a huge tree] Now where is that secret knot? It's impossible to find..[he finds it and the tree opens to reveal a hidden passage] Ah. Are you coming down into the pit? James' got his strength back. I'm starting him on the machine tonight.
Dario: [sincerely] Gary, you know how much Ah love watching you work, but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my weddin' to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it; [Shrugs] I'm swamped!
Count Gary: Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, then you haven't got anything. [smiles halfheartedly]
[Count Gary enters the pit, and Dario leaves the tree grove. Inside James is still strapped to the wooden table, but now he is attached to an odd contraption. It is composed of leather strips with suction cups at various locations on James' body and he struggles a bit against them as the count saunters over to the control device]
Count Gary: [admiring his torture contraption] Beautiful isn't it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and dividing interest in pain. Presently I'm writing the definitive work on the subject, so I want you to be totally honest with me on how the machine makes you feel. This being our first try, I'll use the lowest setting.
[Count Gary raises the lever to the '1' mark on the contraption, and a floodgate opens to activate the machine. It begins to work and James contains his scream of agony as he writhes in pain. Gary grins sadistically as he turns the machine off, then sits down at his desk and whips out a quill and a roll of paper, preparing to write on it]
Count Gary: [calmly] As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Really that's all this is except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you. So, lets just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity so be honest. How do you feel?
[James is unable to answer verbally, but he does manage a meek 'ffmmmppfshshsumpfushummm' as he begins to cry]
Count Gary: Interesting.
[Scene switches back to Dario who is back in his quarters. He sighs and beckons the man waiting at her door to enter. It is his man-at-arms; Officer Jenny's personal Aide-De-Comp, a bearded man named Rumpsfort.
Rumpsfort: Sire. [he puts his hand on the arm rest, but at a look from Dario he takes it off and Dario puts his arm there.]
Dario: As chief enforcer of all Florin, I trust you with this secret: Killers from Guilder are infiltrating the Thieves' Forest and plan to murder my bride on our wedding night.
Rumpsfort: [surprised] My spy network has heard no such news.
[Jessie enters quietly as not to interrupt, but as she is anxious for any news of her beloved James, she clears his throat to gain attention]
Jessie: Any word from James?
Dario: [startled, Dario and Rumpsfort stand up quickly] Too soon, mah darling. Patience.
Jessie: He will come for me.
Dario: [comfortingly] Of course. [Jessie leaves and and they both sit down again quite rapidly.] She will not be murdered! On the day of the weddin', I want the Thieves' Forest emptied and every filthy inhabitant arrested!
Rumpsfort: [distraught] Many of the thieves will resist. My regular enforcers will be inadequate.
Dario: [angered] Form a brute squad then! I want the Thieves' Forest emptied before Ah wed.
Rumpsfort: It won't be easy, Sire.
Dario: [sarcastically] Try ruling the world sometime.
Narrator: Da day of da weddin' arrived. Da brute squad had deir hands full carryin' out Dario's orders.
[The scene shows a dense area of forest, where there are scruffy looking people being carted out in just about any way imaginable. Rumpsfort is mounted on a very large jail-wagon, assuming the position of overseeing the events, when a miscellaneous Brute comes up to him]
Rumpsfort: Is everybody out?
Brute: Almost. There's a Spaniard Twerp giving us some trouble.
Rumpsfort: [glaring] Well, you give him some...trouble. Move!
[Ashigo is sitting on the ground, whiskey bottle in one hand, and drawn sword in the other. He is obviously swaggering drunk, and he takes a few swipes a Brute squad members before taking another swill of liquor]
Ashigo: [very loud] I
am waiting for you Mistini! You told me to go back to the beginning,
so I have. This is where I am, and this is where I'll stay. I will
not be moved.
Brute: [angry] Ho there!
Ashigo: [mumbling] I do not budge. Keep your 'Ho there'.
Brute: But the prince gave orders!
[Ashigo leaps up at this, slashing at the Brute with his sword. The man flees, and Ashigo is forced to lean against a rail for support]
Ashigo : I know you Mistini...when
the job went wrong you went back to the beginning...And this is where
we got the job, so it's the beginning. And I am staying 'till Mistini
Brute: [calls out behind Ashigo] You! Brute, come here!
Ashigo: [mumbling to himself] I...am...waiting...for...Mist-i-ni. [Just then, a hand grabs him from behind]
Fezzbrock: You surely are pissy.
[Ashigo turns around with difficulty, having to look up to see who it is, but smiles as he recognizes Fezzbrock]
Ashigo: [with a huge, drunk smile on his face] It's you!
[The brute jumps in to see what's going on, but Fezzbrock knocks him stone-cold with one well-placed whack to the head]
Fezzbrock: You don't look so
good...[Ashigo leans against him and burps] Phew. You don't
smell so good either.
Ashigo: Perhaps no. I feel fine... [Fezzbrock lets go of Ashigo, who promptly falls flat on his face]
[Scene changes to a cabin, where a sickly looking Ashigo is being spoon fed soup by Fezzbrock.]
Narrator: Fezzbrock and Ashigo were reunited, and as Fezzbrock noised his inebriated friend back ta health, he told Ashigo of Mistini's death and da existence of Count Gary, da six-fingered man. Considerin' Ashigo's life-long search, he handled da news surprisingly well. [The second he hears the news, Ashigo falls face first into the bowl of soup]. Fezzbrock took great care in reviving Ashigo.
[Fezzbrock is shown brutally dunking Ashigo's head into first hot water, then cold. This cycle repeats until Ashigo is completely soaked, and he's finally had enough]
Ashigo: [more sober] That's
enough! That's enough! Where is this Gary now, so I might kill
Fezzbrock: He's with the prince in the castle. But the castle gate is guarded by thirty men.
Ashigo: How many could you handle?
Fezzbrock: I don't think more than ten.
Ashigo: [counting on his fingers] ...Leaving twenty for me. At my best I could never defeat that many. I need Mistini to plan. I have no gift for strategy.
Fezzbrock: But Mistini is dead.
Ashigo: [inspired] No...not Mistini. I need the man in black.
Fezzbrock: [mutters dumbly] What?
Ashigo: Look, he bested you at strength, your greatness. He bested me with steel. He must have out-thought Mistini, and a man who can do that can plan my castle onslaught any day! Let's go!
Ashigo: ...Find the man in black obviously.
Fezzbrock: But you don't know where he is.
Ashigo: Don't bother me with trifles, after twenty years at last my Pikachu's soul will be at peace. There will be blood tonight!
[The scene moves back to Dario, sharpening a dagger, in his chambers when Rumpsfort arrives and bows the instant he is in the door]
Dario: Rise and report!
Rumpsfort: The Thieves' Forest is emptied. Thirty men guard the castle gate.
Dario: Double it! [mock worry] My princess must be safe.
Rumpsfort: The gate has but one key, and I carry that.
[He shows him the key, and Jessie appears in the room behind him]
Ah, my dulcet dahling! Tonight, we marry. [turns to Rumpsfort]
Tomorrow mornin' your men will escort us to Florin Channel, where
every ship in my armada waits to accompany us on our
Jessie: [disturbed] Every ship but your four fastest, you mean. [Dario looks confused]. Every ship but the four you sent.
Dario: [recovering badly] Yes. Yes of course. Naturally not those four.
Rumpsfort: [feeling tension, he exits] Your majesty.
Jessie: You never sent the ships. Doesn't matter, James will come for me anyway.
Dario: You're a silly girl.
Jessie: Yes I am a silly girl, for not having seen sooner that you were nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear.
Dario: [outraged] I would not say such things if I were you.
Jessie: Why not? You can't hurt me. James and I are joined by the bonds of love, and you cannot track that; not with a thousand Growlithe. And you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords. And when I say you're a coward, it is only because you are the slimiest weakling ever to crawl the Earth.
Dario: [furious] I...would...not...say...such...things if I were you!!!!! [He forcefully escorts Jessie to her chamber]
[He throws her in, and the scene changes back to the pit of despair, where he runs down some stairs and looms over the incapacitated James menacingly]
Dario: [To James] You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no mater what the storybooks say. And so Ah think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will. [Dario slams the machine setting to the maximum of 50.]
Count Gary: [screaming] Not to fifty!!
[The machine pumps furiously and James screams in agony, a sound that the entire county of Florin can hear. Jessie hears it from his room, but doesn't recognize the owner, but as Ashigo and Fezzbrock make their way through town, Ashigo stops dead in his tracks as he realizes what it is]
Ashigo: Fezzbrock! Fezzbrock! Listen.
Do you hear? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made
that sound when Gary slaughtered my Pikachu. The man in black makes
Fezzbrock: The man in black?
Ashigo: His true love is marrying another tonight. So what else is the cause for ultimate suffering? [Ashigo and Fezzbrock push their way through a mass of people] Excuse me. Pardon me, it's important. [They struggle to move even a few feet] Fezzbrock, please?
Fezzbrock: [in a bellowing voice] EVERYBODY, MOVE!!!
Ashigo: Thank You. [The whole crowd clears out, leaving a perfect path for the two.]
[Ashigo and Fezzbrock listen to the screams and are able to trace them to the clearing where the pit of despair is located. Butch is outside with a wheelbarrow and he stops as the duo blocks his path]
Ashigo: [to Butch] Where is the man in black? You get that from this grove, yes? [No response] Fezzbrock, jog his memory.
[Fezzbrock hits Butch neatly on the top of his head, with a force that would have stunned a rampaging Donfan, but the albino from of Butch simply falls over, unconscious]
Fezzbrock: I'm sorry Ashigo. I didn't mean to jog him so hard. Ashigo?
[Ashigo refuses to give up, not responding to Fezzbrock as he kneels, raising his sword to the sky]
Ashigo: [pouring his heart out to the heavens] Pikachu, I have failed you for twenty years. Now our misery can end. Somewhere, somewhere close by is a man who can help us. I can not find him alone. I need you. I need you to guide my sword, please.. .Guide my sword.
[Ashigo stands, eyes closed, and follows his sword. It leads him in an odd path, but eventually sticks into a nearby tree. Thinking he has failed, he leans against it in exasperation, accidentally hitting the switch to open the entrance. They look at each other and descend the spiraling staircase. They reach the bottom to find the immobile James.
Fezzbrock: [putting his ear to
James' chest] He's dead.
Ashigo: This is no fair.
James: [jumping in, upset]
Meowth! Meowth! Wait, wait. What did Fezzbrock mean, 'He's Dead.? I
mean, he didn't mean 'dead?? James is only faking, right?
Meowth: Do ya want me ta read dis or not?
James: Who gets Dario!
Meowth: [confused] I don't understand?
James: [annoyed] Who kills Prince Dario? At the end, someone's got to do it! Is it Ashigo? Who?!
Meowth: Nobody. Nobody kills him. He lives.
James: You mean he wins? [exasperated] Geez, Meowth! What did you read us this thing for?
Meowth: Ya know, you...youse is very sick and yer takin' dis story very seriously. I tink we'd betta stop now. [He closes the book]
James: No! I'm...I'm okay. I'm okay. Sit down. I'm alright.
Meowth: [sighs] Okay, okay. Alright, now lets see...where were we? Oh, yes, in da Pit of Despair.
[Scene switches back to Ashigo and Fezzbrock standing over James' body]
Ashigo: The Ketcheuyas have never
taken defeat easily. Come Fezzbrock, bring the body.
Fezzbrock: The body?
Ashigo: Have you any money?
Fezzbrock: I have a little.
Ashigo: I just hope it's enough to buy a miracle, that's all.
[Fezzbrock and Ashigo make their way through the forest, Fezzbrock carrying the limp form of James in his arms until they reach a small hut in a clearing. Ashigo motions for Fezzbrock to stay put, and he goes up to the door and knocks with more the a little enthusiasm]
Voice: [from inside, irritated] Go away!
[Ashigo knocks still harder, threatening to break down the door, until a feline face appears in a small peep slot in the door]
Miracle Meowth: [Feline]
Ashigo: Are you the Miracle Meowth who worked for the king all those years?
Miracle Meowth: Da king's stinkin' son fired me. And thank you so much for bringin' up such a painful subject. While yer at it, why doncha give me a nice paper cut, and pour lemon juice on it. We're closed! [Meowth closes a flap over the door hole, but Ashigo still knocks] Beat it or I'll call the brute squad!
Fezzbrock: I'm on the brute squad. [Meowth appears in the door again, examining Fezzbrock]
Miracle Meowth: You are da brute squad!
Ashigo: We need a miracle. It's very important.
Miracle Meowth: Look, I'm retired. Besides, why would ya want someone da kings stinking son fired? I might kill whoever ya want me ta miracle.
Ashigo: But he's already dead.
Miracle Meowth: He is, eh? I'll have a look. Bring im' in.
[They enter, and Fezzbrock lays James' body gingerly on a long wooden table. Meowth leaps onto it gracefully examines him. He lifts James' arm up for a moment, letting it fall haphazardly back to the table with a loud thud]
Miracle Meowth: I've seen
Miracle Meowth: Huh? What?
Ashigo: We're in a terrible rush.
Miracle Meowth: Don't rush me sonny. Ya rush a miracle Pokemon, ya get rotten miracles. Ya got money?
Miracle Meowth: Sheesh! I never woiked fer so little; except once and dat was a very noble cause.
Ashigo: This is noble sir. His wife is...crippled...children on the brink of starvation...
Miracle Meowth: Are you a rotten liar.
Ashigo: I need him to help avenge the soul of my Pikachu, murdered this twenty years.
Miracle Meowth: Your first story was better. Where's that bellows cramp? He probably owes you money, huh. Well, I'll ask him.
Ashigo: He's dead. He can't talk.
Miracle Meowth: [sarcasticly] Ooooohhh! Look who knows so much, eh! It just so happens dat yer friend here is only mostly dead. Dere's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Open is' mouth. [He inserts the bellows] Now, mostly dead is still slightly alive. Now, all dead...well, wit all dead, dere's usually only one ting dat you can do.
Ashigo: What's that?
Miracle Meowth: Go through his clothes and look for loose change. [Meowth proceeds to pump air into James' lungs, and removes the bellows as he puts his face directly into his] Hey! Hello in dere! Hey! What's so important? Whatcha got here, dat's woith livin' for? [Meowth, satisfied with the question, places his hands on James' stomach and forces the air from his lungs]
James: [barely audible] Trrrruuuuue....lllooovvvve....
Ashigo: [excited] True love! You heard him! You could not ask for a more noble cause than that.
Miracle Meowth: Sonny, true love is da greatest ting in da woild; except for a nice MLT - Mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich - when da Mutton is nice and lean, and da tomato's ripe. Dey're so perky. I love that. But dat's not what he said! He distinctly said, [Imitating James] 'toooo... bbllllaaaiithe.' And as we all know, to blaithe means to bluff. So, you were probably playing cards and he cheated...
Female Meowth: [interrupting] Liar!! Liar!! Liarrrrrrr!
Miracle Meowth: Get back, witch!
Female Meowth: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife! But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore!
Miracle Meowth: You neva had it so good. [Meowth smiles at Ashigo]
Meowsie: [Miracle Meowth's wife] True love, who said true love, Meowth?
Miracle Meowth: Don't say another woird, Meowsie...[Ashigo looks on in disbelief]
Meowsie: You're afraid. [turn to Ashigo and Fezzbrock] Ever since Prince Dario fired him, his confidence is shattered!
Miracle Meowth: [yelling] Why'd you say that name?! You promised me that you would never
say that name!
Meowsie: What, Dario?!
Miracle Meowth: [cringes] Ahh!!
Miracle Meowth: Aaahhhhh!!!!
[Ashigo and Fezzbrock look on in terror as Meowsie chases Meowth around the room, screaming.]
Miracle Meowth: Ahh!!
Miracle Meowth: Ahh!!
Meowsie: [now in a sing-song voice] Dario....Dario!! Dario, Dario Dario, Dariiooo!!
Miracle Meowth: I'm not listening!
Meowsie: True love, life expiring and you don't have the decency to say why you won't help!
Miracle Meowth: Nobody's hearing nothing!
Meowsie: Dario! [She continues to yell 'Dario' quite loudly]
Ashigo: [interrupting] This is Jessie's true love. If you heal him, he will stop Dario's wedding!
Miracle Meowth: [to Meowsie] Shut up!
Ashigo: Thank you. Thank you.
Miracle Meowth: Wait, wait. I make him better, Dario suffers?
Ashigo: [confidently] Humiliations galore!
Miracle Meowth: Ha ha!! Dat is a noble cause! Give me da sixty-five! I'm on da job!
[Meowth and Meowsie begin work on a large pill, and Ashigo raises an eyebrow as Meowsie coats it in chocolate.]
Ashigo: That's a miracle
Meowsie: The chocolate coating makes it go down easier. But, you have to wait fifteen minutes for maximum potency. And, he shouldn't go in swimming after for at least...
Miracle Meowth: [jumping in] An hour!
Meowsie: An hour.
Miracle Meowth: ...A good hour.....Here. [gives Ashigo the pill]
Ashigo: [leaving] Thank you for everything.
Miracle Meowth: Okay! [Ashigo and Fezzbrock walk out the door]
Meowsie: Bye bye, boys!
Miracle Meowth: Have fun storming da castle!
Meowsie: [to Meowth] Think it'll work?
Miracle Meowth: It would take a miracle..
Miracle Meowth and Meowsie: [waving] B-bye!
[Scene cuts to the castle walls bordering Dario's castle, Ashigo and Fezzbrock sneaking along it out of sight from the guards with James' still dead body. They stop and prop him against the wall to assess the situation]
Fezzbrock: Ashigo, there's
more than thirty!
Ashigo: [propping up James again before he falls over] What's the difference? We've got him! Help me here. We have to force-feed him.
Fezzbrock: Has it been fifteen minutes?
Ashigo: We can't wait. The wedding is in half an hour. We must strike in the hustle and the bustle before hand. Tilt his head back. Open his mouth.
[Fezzbrock roughly tips James' head back and Ashigo jams the pill down his throat]
Fezzbrock: How long do we have to wait before we know if the miracle works?
Ashigo: Your guess is as good as mine.
[The instant he finishes his sentence, James' eyes snap open and he looks about furiously]
James: [disoriented] I'll beat you both apart! I'll take you both together!
Fezzbrock: I guess not very long.
James: [Noting he is paralyzed] Why won't my arms move?
Fezzbrock: You've been mostly dead all day.
Ashigo: We had Miracle Meowth make a pill to bring you back.
James: Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where's Jessie?
Ashigo: Let me explain....no, there is too much. Let me sum up; Jessie is marrying Dario in little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, and make our escape - after I kill Count Gary.
James: That doesn't leave much for dilly-dally. [His pinky twitches and moves slightly as he speaks]
Fezzbrock: You just wiggled your finger! That's wonderful!
James: I've always been a quick healer. What are our liabilities?
Ashigo: There is but one working castle gate, and it is guarded by sixty men.
James: And our assets?
Ashigo: Your brains, Fezzbrock's strength, my steel.
James: That's it? Impossible. If I had a month to plan maybe I could come up with something. But this... [He shakes his head a bit in disapproval]
Fezzbrock: You just shook your head! That doesn't make you happy?
James: My brains, his steel and your strength against sixty men and you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy? Hmm?? I mean if we only had a wheelbarrow, that would be something.
Ashigo: Where did we put that wheelbarrow the albino had?
Fezzbrock: Over the albino, I think..
James: Why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place?! [sigh] What I wouldn't give for a holocaust cloak...
Ashigo: There we cannot help you.
Fezzbrock: [pulls a black cloak from under his shirt] Would this do?
Ashigo: Where did you get that?
Fezzbrock: At Miracle Meowth's. It fit so nice, he said I could keep it.
James: Alright, alright, come help me up. [They help him to his feet shakily] Now I'll need a sword eventually.
Ashigo: Why? You can't even lift one.
James: True, but that's hardly common knowledge, is it? Thank you. [Ashigo gives him a sword]. Now, there may be problems once we're inside.
Ashigo: I'll say. How do I find the Count? Once I do, how do I find you again? Once I find you again, how do I escape?
Fezzbrock: Don't pester him, he's had a hard day.
Ashigo: Right, right....sorry.
Fezzbrock: Ashigo ?
Fezzbrock: I hope we win.
[They proceed to execute their plan, while the scene returns to Jessie's room where Dario is adjusting his collar for the wedding]
Dario: You don't seem excited my
Jessie: Should I be?
Dario: Brides often are, Ah'm told.
Jessie: I do not marry tonight. My James will save me.
[Jessie leaves in a huff, and the next time we see her is in the chapel, where she stands with a grim expression at the altar with Dario. An old bishop, Samuel Oak, steps up to them, opens a bible and begins the ceremony. He begins to speak, and both Dario and Jessie flinch at his odd speech impediment]
Oak: Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethaw today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam...
[From outside, the voice of Rumpsfort is heard]
Rumpsfort: Stand your ground, men! Stand your ground! Stand your ground!
[An extremely tall figure clad completely in black is seen slowly advancing on Rumpsfort's guard and they cower back in fear. Ashigo is revealed to be pushing Fezzbrock in the wheelbarrow, and he has the limp and incapacitated James on his back]
Fezzbrock: [loudly, in a brassy
voice] I am the Dread Pirate Koga! There will be no
James: Not yet.
Fezzbrock: My men are here! I am here! ... but soon you will not be here! [Points to the guard ominously]
Ashigo: [Barely holding up Fezzbrock] Now?!
James: Light him! [They light Fezzbrock's robe with a torch]
Fezzbrock: The Dread Pirate Koga takes no survivors! All your worst nightmares have but to come true!
[Most of the gate guards scatter in all directions and the scene changes to the wedding again]
Oak: Then wove, twue wove, will follow you fowever...
[Dario rolls his eyes and the scene returns to the heroes outside]
Fezzbrock: [in an extremely deep
voice] The Dread Pirate Koga is here for your soul!
[Rumpsfort yells for the guards to fight, instead, they flee, almost trampling him over, and leaving the terrified man at the mercy of Fezzbrock as we return to the wedding]
Oak: So tweasure youw wove...
Dario: [interrupting] Skip to the end!
Oak: Have you the wing?
Jessie: Here comes my James now.
[Fezzbrock has since shed the robe and stands in his normal attire, looming over Rumpsfort with Ashigo and James. He scurries beneath the gate as it begins to close and grins as he thinks he has escaped.]
James: Fezzbrock, the portcullis! [Fezzbrock lifts the portcullis with some trouble as we get another glimpse of the wedding]
Dario: Your James is dead. I killed
Jessie: Then why is there fear behind your eyes?
James: [to Rumpsfort] Give us
the gate key!
Rumpsfort: I have no gate key.
Ashigo: [matter of fact] Fezzbrock, tear his arms off.
Rumpsfort: [Nervously and without hesitation he produces the key] Oh, you mean this gate key. [He smiles and hands over the key as the scene switches to the wedding]
Oak: Do you Pwince Dawio...
Dario: [extremely annoyed] Man and wife! Say man and wife!
Oak: Man and Wife.
Dario: Escort the bride to the honeymoon suite. Ah'll be there shortly. [Shoving Jessie toward his aged parents]
Jessie: [Dismayed] He didn't come...
[Ashigo, Fezzbrock, and James have made their way into the castle by now, but just as they round a corner, they are stopped dead in their tracks by Count Gary and four of his men.]
Count Gary: Kill the dark one and the giant but leave the third for questioning.
[The guards make a feeble attempt to attack Ashigo, but his superior swordsmanship is too much for them, and he is able to slay them all, pointing his sword at Count Gary]
Ashigo: [smiles] Hello, my name is Ashigo Ketcheuya. You killed my Pikachu. Prepare to die.
[Count Gary draws his sword, assuming a defensive stance and lowering his eyes abhorrently before turning and running as fast as he can away from Ashigo. He follows, tracking him until he enters a doorway, locking it behind him. Ashigo pounds the door to attempt to break it down, eventually slamming his body into it with full force, screaming for assistance]
Ashigo: Fezzbrock! I need
Fezzbrock: I can't leave him alone![James]
Ashigo: He's getting away from me Fezzbrock!! Please!! Fezzbrock!!
Fezzbrock: [to James] I'll be right back.
[Fezzbrock walks calmly up to Ashigo,
still slamming his body against the door as hard as he can, and holds
his friend back with one hand and lightly pounds the door with his
other. The hinges break and the door falls free of the frame,
allowing Ashigo through]
Ashigo: Thank you.
[Ashigo rushes through, and Fezzbrock
walks back to where he James, but looks around, confused, as nobody
Scene moves to Jessie, being escorted down a long hallway.]
King: Strange wedding...
Queen: Yes, a very strange wedding. Come along.
[The Queen exits and Jessie leans forward
and kisses the King gently on the forehead]
King: [rather surprised] What was that for?
Jessie: Because you've always been so kind to me, and I won't be seeing you again since I'm killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite.
King: [Happily grabbing Jessie's hand] Won't that be nice....She kissed me! [He giggles]
[The scene goes back to Ashigo chasing Count Gary down a stairwell. Gary stops for a moment, and draws a small dagger from his boot, resuming his previous path as he hears Ashigo approaching. He eventually reaches a dead end in a food cellar, turning around to face Ashigo as he enters after him. The twerp doesn't get into the room before Gary artfully hurls the dagger at Ashigo. It plunges into his stomach, and Ashigo stops, leaning against the wall in pain, sinking to his knees as he clutches at the hilt]
Ashigo: [Weakly] Sorry
Pikachu, I tried
Count Gary: [mockingly] You must be that little Spanish, Twerp brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. Simply incredible. You've been tracing me your whole life, only to fail now? I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard. How marvelous.
[The scene changes to Jessie, who looks wistfully out the window of the honeymoon suite before seating herself at the table, opening a box with a long, thing blade in it. She whispers something under her breath as she draws the blade out, pressing the tip against her chest ready to stab herself, but a voice interjects from James, who has been on the bed the entire time]
James: There's such a shortage of
perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage
Jessie: James! Oh, James! [Jessie leaps on the bed atop her beloved, kissing him anywhere she can find a suitable place to] James, why won't you hold me?
James: Gently... [James has almost no strength]
Jessie: At a time like this, that is all you can think to say? Gently?
James: Gentlllyyy... Ooh![He cries out in pain as Jessie accidentally hits his head on the board]
[The scene cuts back to Ashigo and Gary, who smiles menacingly on the wounded soul struggling to stand as he pulls the dagger from his stomach. He falls down again, and looks away, ashamed.]
Count Gary: [mildly surprised] Good heavens...are you still trying to win? You've got an over developed sense of vengeance. It's going to get you into trouble someday.
[Gary thrusts his sword for the kill, but Ashigo raises his and deflects it into his arm instead. Gary scowls at him, and strikes again, only to have his blow carried to Ashigo's other arm. He seems to gain a burst of energy after this, batting Gary's sword away as he stands on his own.]
Ashigo: [Weakly] Hello, my
name is Ashigo Ketcheuya. You Killed my Pikachu. Prepare to die.
[Ashigo still has trouble, stumbling with pain and clutching his
stomach, but he manages to exchange a few attacks with Gary.]
Hello, my name is Ashigo Ketcheuya. You killed my Pikachu. Prepare to
die. [Ashigo gains strength from the words, lunging fiercely at
Gary, now yelling them as loud as he can.] Hello, my name is
Ashigo Ketcheuya! You Killed my Pikachu! Prepare to die!
Count Gary: [frightened and angry] Stop saying that! [Ashigo nips Gary and continues to fight with even more vigor]
Ashigo: [enraged] Hello, my name is Ashigo Ketcheuya! You Killed my Pikachu! Prepare to die! [Ashigo corners Count Gary and slashes his cheek, just as Count Gary did to him years ago] Offer me money! [He slashes his other cheek in the same fashion]
Count Gary: All that I have and more. Please...
Ashigo: Offer me anything I ask for!
Count Gary: Anything you want... [Gary tries a quick move on Ashigo, but it is easily blocked as he plunges his sword into Count Gary's chest]
Ashigo: [fiercely] I want my Pikachu back, you son of a bitch! [Count Gary falls to the floor, dead and having finally made good of his revenge, Ashigo runs off to find James.]
[The Honeymoon suite]
Jessie: Oh, James, will you ever
James: What hideous sin have you committed lately?
Jessie: I got married. I didn't want to. It all happened so fast.
James: [shakes his head] Never happened.
James: It never happened.
Jessie: But it did! I was there...this old man said man and wife.
James: Did you say 'I do'?
Jessie: Um...no. We sort of skipped that part.
James: Then you're not married. You didn't say it. You didn't do it. Wouldn't you agree, your highness? [Turning to Dario who has appeared in the doorway brandishing a sward]
Dario: A technicality that will shortly be remedied...but first things first.. [He points his sword at James] To the death!
James: [slowly sitting up] No! To the pain!
Dario: [confused] I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
James: I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand. You-wart-hog-faced-buffoon!
Dario: [insulted] That may be the first time in mah life anyone has dared insult me.
James: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your feet below the ankles, then your hands at your wrists. Next, your nose.
Dario: Then my tongue, Ah suppose? I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
James: [fiercely] I wasn't finished! The next thing you lose will be your left eye followed by your right!
Dario: And then my ears...I understand! Let's get on with it!
James: Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why; so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness is yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman that cries out, 'dear god what is that thing!' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
Dario: I think you're bluffing.
James: It's possible, pig. I might be bluffing. It's conceivable you miserable vomitous mass, I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then again, perhaps I have the strength to stand after all. [James stands slowly and nobly, his sword pointed maliciously at Dario's utterly terrified face] Drop... your... sword.
[Dario drops the sword without haste.]
James: Now have a seat. [Dario obligingly does so] Tie him up. Make it as tight as you like.
[Jessie ties up the wicked Prince with relish and we hear a whimper of pain from Dario as Ashigo runs into the room]
Ashigo: Where's Fezzbrock?
James: I thought he was with you! In that case...[James starts to move then almost falls over]
Ashigo: [to Jessie] Help him.
Jessie: Why does James need helping?
Ashigo: Because he has no strength.
Dario: I knew it! Ah knew you were bluffing! [Ashigo places the point of his sword against Dario's cheek] I knew he was...bluf-fing.
Ashigo: Shall I dispatch him for you?
James: Thank you, but no. Whatever happens to us, I want him to live a long life, alone with his cowardice.
Fezzbrock: [from outside the window] Ashigo ! Ashigo ! Where are you? [Ashigo runs to the window] Oh...there you are. Ashigo , I saw the princess's stable, and there they were four white Rapidash. And I thought there are four of us, if we ever find the lady. [James and Jessie move to the window to see Fezzbrock with the Rapidash] Hello lady! [He waves to Jessie and she waves back]...So I took them with me in case we ever bumped into each other. But I guess we just did.
Ashigo: Fezzbrock, you did something right.
Fezzbrock: Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head.
[Jessie smiles and leaps from the window and after a long, graceful fall, she lands in Fezzbrock's arms securely]
Ashigo: [To James] You know,
it's very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now
that it's over I don't know what to do with the rest of my
James: [smiles and puts his hand on Ashigo's shoulder] Have you ever considered pirating? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Koga. [Ashigo smiles and they both exit]
Narrator: Dey rode ta freedom. As dawn arose, James and Jessie knew dey were safe. A wave of love swept over dem. And as dey reached for each odda...
James: What?! What?!
Meowth: Naah, it's kissin' again. You don't wanna hear that.
James: Well...I don't mind so much.
Narrator: Since da invention of da kiss, dere had only been five kisses dat were rated da most passionate, da most pure. Dis one left dem all behind. DE END.
Meowth: Now, I tink youse oughta get
[he settles back down into his bed covers]
James: Maybe, if I'm still sick tomorrow, you could read it to me again?
Meowth: [turns off the light and smiles] Heh, as ya wish.
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