This is a challenge Dannichu sent to me (well, I asked for it). She writes twenty insane phrases, and I am to fit them all into one story. Here are the phrases:
And now to the story...
Charmander: Welcome to… THE POKÉMON OSCAR! Here, we will give out awards for the best pokémon of the year’s games, shows and movies! And, of course, we’ll give out the awards in a few categories… first off: the stereotype award! And the winner is… Ludicolo!
Ludicolo: Thank you, amigos! (walks down with the award)
Charmander: And now… the crossdresser award goes to… Gardevoir!
Male Gardevoir: You racist!
Charmander: Ummm… yeah. Well, on to the next award… the best ability award! That goes to… Weezing, who now finally has Levitate!
Weezing: Look at me! I can fly! Finally, after SIX POKÉMON GAMES, I can fly like in the anime!
Charmander: Yes. Now to the Christmas award! And it goes to… Sceptile, who has this great tail here!
Sceptile: Twelve Bulbasauring, eleven Lapras leaping, ten Tentacrueling…
Charmander: Sixteen pairs of socks… Don’t sing the whole song, please… now, on to the winner of the 2003 Internet Service Providers’ Association awards for Best Unmetered ISP and Best Consumer Application… why, it’s president Lincoln, of course! Aaand… the most pieful pokémon still in the game, Magikarp!
Magikarp: I like pie.
Charmander: Really? Would you eat fifty pies if you were paid?
Magikarp: With pleasure.
Charmander: Now, if you do, I’ll give you your very own brain. How does that sound?
Magikarp: What’s a ‘brain’?
Charmander: Never mind… on to the most evil pokémon: Zangoose!
Zangoose: Mine is the last voice you will ever hear. Don’t be alarmed.
Charmander: Oh. How… nice of you. Now, to the insanity award… the Kadabra from Fun in Cyberspace!
Kadabra: (holds forward spoon) Can I stab you with a spoon?
Charmander: Uh, I think I’d rather be eaten by a Charizard.
Kadabra: Salutations, officer Fred, ye olde prune!
Charmander: What did you call me??? Now, this is it. Go away with your award! Now! God, I wish this was over…
Kadabra: There is no end and no beginning. There is only custard pastries.
Charmander: (with an ice cold and threatening voice) OUT! NOW!
A poet among the audience: Hmm. It appears to be sprouting flames of ice… flaming, ice cold words that…
Charmander: Oh, go eat some lard. Hopefully this will be over when you’ve done that.
Kadabra: (leaving) Elvis has left the building!
Charmander: Finally, you’re receiving message five of eleven about GETTING OUT OF HERE…
A random person among the audience: Hey, you know, my aunt grapefruit owned an apple farm…
Charmander: Oh, don’t go talking to each other now! This is almost over! I promise! Now, on to the last award, “I think you are something you are not”: it is shared between a few pokémon. Pluschu, Pinun, Gollumeye, Feebakarp and Beandisc – I mean Plusle, Minun, Sableye, Feebas and Luvdisc…
A Venonat among the audience: Don’t forget about Venonat! Can’t forget Venonat! It kinda looks like a Diglett, if you squint your eyes and use your imagination…
Charmander: I don’t think that counts…
Plusle: I’m positive that we’re not related to Pichu!
Minun: I’m negative. (to Plusle) What are you saying, dude, we’re getting an award here, we WANT to get it!
Sableye: (hugging Oscar statue) My preciousssssss…
Feebas: Splash?
Luvdisc: I want to thank my friends… and my family… I love you all…
Charmander: Enough of this… the Oscar is over! Now go, and I’m NOT an old prune!
A passing guest: Old prune.
Charmander: Take that back…
THE END (had to end now to keep it G-rated…)