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To: Starlight AurateSanta Claus was in a pinch. A stray attack from a late-night Pokémon battle had punched a giant hole in his sleigh and startled his Stantler, and while luckily no gifts were lost or destroyed in the crash, he was on a tight schedule. He could just see his little wife shaking her wooden spoon at him and harping “I've told you so!” when it came to managing his time and planning his emergencies.
Of all the times that he couldn't bring his little Jynx helper along thanks to some mandated “cosmetic makeover” for the species… that they couldn't help themselves for being born that way.
Santa paused in his mental griping when he realized he could feel unusual power beneath his feet. Coaxing his Stantler into waiting, he pulled out a pickax and began chipping away at the ground. From the looks of it, luck had led him to a peculiar mountaintop where a legend was said to sleep. And from what he could tell using his magic to gauge his surroundings (he could've been a powerful psychic if he so wished, but instead had honed his powers into his studies of magic), said-legend was awake, and wasn't alone.
Perhaps they could give a helping hand...
*~*~*
The Golems had their full attention on Mew as she gracefully flew around their heads, a gentle aura surrounding her that was extending to them. Why all three of them had to gather at Registeel's place when it was such an inconvenience for Regice to travel across the ocean and Regirock's was a good halfway point, they had to shrug off. The little feline had a habit of making odd requests, she was just lucky it currently wasn't raining on the route.
“'Kay, should be a couple more minutes,” she said.
“Remind me again why we agreed to this,” Regice muttered flatly to his brothers to break the silence.
“Because we feel honored she came to us for aid?” Regirock replied in a near monotone voice, but more gruffly.
“Because we have no life and need to feel like we're accomplishing something?” Registeel countered in the same tone, but with beeps.
“All perfectly acceptable answers, but why make us three meet here?” The Iceberg Pokémon tapped a pointed foot where he stood. An icy layer crystallized outward a few feet as a result.
“We get it, you don't like traveling,” his metallic brother warbled. “I'm not a fan of the two of you scuffing up my home, either.”
For some reason only known to him, Registeel's ruins abode minus the ceiling was decked out in clearly-manmade materials, giving it a sterile, cold, yet ominous style that was reminiscent of a human's laboratory. Or an alien spaceship, according to one explorer who happened to get inside and was scared off by its aesthetics. Since the encounter, it was his own pride and joy, and he wasn't a fan of visitors who could easily crack the floor under their weight or leave behind a trail of ice just by walking around.
“You guys need to mumble quieter,” Mew pointed out above them. “And didn't you hear me the first time? I'm making some new additions to the Tree.”
“You didn't say anything about a tree,” they said in unison.
She frowned, coming to a halt and putting a paw to her chin in thought. “Really? I thought I did.”
“Why're we giving our essences to a tree, again?” Regice inquired next. “Shouldn't that be Celebi's job?”
“Never mind that, you're screwing up my concentration,” she said, scowling until a few crumbling rocks caught her eye.
“Ho, ho, hello-OOOO!”
The echo of the deep jolly voice rising in surprise got all four to look up in time to watch a round old man clad in red fall through a hole. With scarcely a reaction, Mew glowed and raised a paw to catch him with her mind, although she blinked when she felt his aura contend a little with hers. When he was righted upward and lowered to the ground, he readjusted his cap and pocketed the pickax.
“Oh, thank you for that!” he said, smiling sweetly beneath his beard.
“Not at all, but you could've done it yourself, I take it?” she noted. “You're a magic user.”
“Good observation!” he chuckled. “Just what I expect from the mythical Mew!”
The Golems stared at the man, though if it wasn't for the glint of their facial orbs, he could've been spooked by the eerily sentient statues turning to face him. At least that's what they assumed from dealing with humans for countless millennia. Still, the human before them was no ordinary man, they could tell that much just by looking at him and sensing the mystical power emanating from him.
“Mr. Claus, what are you doing here?” Registeel inquired.
“Ho ho ho, no need for formalities! Just call me Santa!” After another round of merry laughter, Santa then let out a heavy sigh. “It's just my luck for my sleigh to break down right on top of the famous Golem Ruins. I can fix it up, but I'm already on a tight-enough schedule as it is.”
“If you're looking for aid, we can take it off your hands,” Regirock proposed immediately.
“Stop making decisions for the rest of us!” Regice countered frostily, leaning over to his stony brother. “What is it with you always feeling the need to offer aid when we're always in the middle of something else?”
“And it is rude to not hear out the man all the way through,” Registeel added.
“But it's Santa,” the Rock Golem pointed out. “It's Christmas Eve. The children are counting on him.”
“Oh, sure, now you get all sedimental on us.” Something buzzed inside the android's head, making him jolt and correct himself, “I mean, sentimental.”
Santa had a worried frown on his face as he blinked up at the feline. “Did I interrupt something?”
“They're always like this,” Mew sighed, shaking her head. “It's really no wonder they're always separate from one-another, but I needed them in one place for a bit for something.”
“Oh? Well, it was kind of the Rock Golem to volunteer, but it's much more convenient that you're here.”
Before she could speak up, Regirock raised his gravelly voice over his brothers', “Please let us do it, Mr. Claus!”
“I don't give two iotas about Christmas, and I am not about to start!” Registeel snapped.
“Is Hoenn a winter wonderland right about now? I don't think so,” Regice pressed.
“Ignore Scrooge and the Grinch here, I can do it on my own!”
It was the strangest sight to see a trio of golems arguing their excuses for why they don't celebrate Christmas to why it is they owe a duty to the humans of Hoenn. Santa was certain their voices were carrying to the surface if he could just make out his Stantler peeking their heads in the hole. Scratching his scalp beneath his cap, he fished out a bag from a pocket and briefly pried it open to get in reach of some glittery dust. Mew quickly side-stepped just when he took a breath and blew it on the Golems.
Having no noses, mouths, or eyes, they hardly made a reaction until Registeel started tilting downward, and he flailed his arms about until he reconfigured his balance. “Holy Ho-oh, I'm in the air! Does not compute!”
“You can knock it off with the stupid robot jargon,” Regice scoffed, hardly fazed he was lighter than a snowflake.
“That should hold you up until the end of the night,” Santa declared, patting down his gloves. “Or until I can get back to you, depends on how long it'll take to get my sleigh repaired.”
“Oh, thank you, Santa!” Regirock then paused in thought. “Wait, how're we going to hold up your giant bag of presents?”
He laughed jovially as he passed over his checklist. “Ho ho ho, don't you worry about that! It's practically a pocket dimension for presents to flow through! Just make sure you don't drop any or give away the wrong presents, you hear?”
“Hey, Mew, want to accompany us as our little helper to Santa's little helpers?” Regice and Registeel gave their brother a cold look, which he ignored.
Although she had an amused smile on her face, Mew crossed her arms in an “X”. “Sounds fun and all, but I got things to do. Sorry, maybe next time.”
With a shrug, Regirock started upward for the skylight. Grumbling to themselves, the other two followed after and watched him heave the large burlap sack over his massive shoulder. “Your brain's got to be the size of a pebble if you think this is a good idea,” Registeel voiced aloud.
Regice then whistled off to the side when he looked at the remains of Santa's sleigh. “Someone must've had it out for the Claus man.” He then glanced around. “Hey, wait a minute, doesn't he already have a helper—Jynx, right? Where's she?”
“Apparently the entire species has to go to some kind of mandatory sensitivity training, or makeover, or something,” Registeel explained. “Heard it being mentioned on the global news that the Indigo League had to quickly replace one of their trainers so she could take hers in on such short notice.”
“Sounds unpleasant. I'd hate to get called in to one of those.”
“Same.”
“Hey, are you two coming, or not?” Regirock called out from above them.
“We prefer 'not',” they responded back in unison, but the curious Stantler were beginning to approach. Flying up into the night sky, they kept their distance, cautiously eying the giant bag swaying about. They noticed by the numerous layers of clouds they passed through (and that Regice caused to freeze as hail) that they were consistently gaining in altitude, and didn't appear to be heading for any civilization.
“Do you even know where to go?” the Iron Golem pointed out.
“Of course I do.” He tapped his cranium. “I got a compass right in here.”
It was a stupid question, so Regice reworded it, “So where are we going to first?”
“We're gonna need someone to be our sleigh.”
The duo mused for a moment if dropping from their current height could actually destroy their practically-indestructible bodies. What was he thinking volunteering to take over as Santa Claus and not having a “sleigh”?
Though what did he mean by “someone”?
Getting a little closer, Registeel asked, “So... who do you have in mind to be our able-bodied sleigh?”
“I was thinking about Lugia, but if you have any other suggestions—”
Regirock didn't get to finish before the cyborg interrupted, “Lugia sounds great, except there's, uh, a small issue with your calculations there.”
“He's deep underwater and we can't swim,” Regice interjected, ruining Registeel's sly build-up.
“And we're also not flying out to Johto,” the Steel-type golem then hissed out. “Or Kanto for that matter.”
Racking his brain a bit more, Regirock agreed. “Okay, then. So let's go ask Rayquaza, he's closer.”
“He's not any better,” they tried to say, but they were exhausting their energy getting snippy at everything.
“Closer” was hardly the correct word to describe where the dragon tended to dwell—if anything, he was on the exact opposite of the region. There was no way to kitty corner or take shortcuts to Sky Pillar from where they started at Registeel's ruins. Even so, there was no guarantee Rayquaza was going to be there. They were closer to the Cave of Origins at Sootopolis and had a better chance to wake up Groudon or Kyogre (whoever was sleeping in there, possibly the former), but neither of them could ever find their way into that closed-off island if they tried. Well... now that they were flying they could, but to get out should the magic dust wear off and neither of the Titans were there or awake to help them out? Not likely.
The brothers cursed Mew under their breaths; she had to have found the idea of them taking over for Santa Claus hilarious or she was being her mischievous self in weaseling out of the task because of this stupid tree of hers. If she hadn't been spoken of as highly as a god in legends, they could've passed on giving their essences to this possibly-fictitious tree so she could go to someone else, or could've even told her to go get a life. Wasn't it supposed to be Celebi who was the tree-hugger?
They didn't know how long it took to get to Sky Pillar, but eventually it came into view, and they pushed themselves to hasten their speed. To avoid potentially crashing head-on into the walls, they aimed for the summit which they could scarcely get a glimpse of at their altitude. Regirock remained in the front—the sacrifice, Regice and Registeel joked to themselves—and pulled ahead so he landed first by a few moments.
It was just their luck that before them, coiled up and his back to them, snoozed Rayquaza, no sign that he was aware of their arrival. For a large serpentine Pokémon, he was quiet—no snoring, snorting, or growling could be heard. His body hardly moved, either, he was just a giant, green, scaly log with a face. It was kind of amusing to see the Air Titan so calm, so non-intimidating. Registeel started to wish he had brought along one of those human cameras he had swiped some time ago.
Studying Rayquaza's sleeping form, Regirock looked around the rooftop at the rubble that surrounded them, and went over to a pile and set down the sack. Regice watched him dig through to isolate rocks, and if he had any he'd roll his eyes. “Good Ho-oh, Regirock, seriously?” he huffed.
“We gotta wake him up,” he said, not looking over.
The Iceberg Pokémon formed a giant ice ball in his hand to toss about lazily. “This is quicker than searching for the 'perfect' rock,” he stated.
“Do you want him to wake up pissed?”
“He's always pissed, so what's your point?”
Once he had a modest pile, Regirock started chucking them in succession at Rayquaza's head. For a few moments, he didn't even twitch, but soon his brows started furrowing and his nostrils flared. When a rock flew a bit off-course and smacked him in the snout, he snorted and shook his head a bit. Blinking away the sleep from his eyes, the dragon swerved over with a gleam in his golden irises.
“The hell do you want? I was dreaming,” he growled, then peered closer. “Oh, it's the Golems. How'd you get up here?”
“Believe it or not, we flew,” Regirock answered, picking up the bag.
The dragon stared, steadily leering. “You woke me up just to tell me that?” he grunted. “I expect that shit from someone like Deoxys, Groudon, or Mew, but guess I might as well put you on that list, too.”
“Tell me about it,” Registeel said, walking over. “But there's more to this, if you're willing to listen.”
“Not on your life.”
If he had a readable face, the android would've given his brother a smug look as though to tell him “Told you so”. Regice tossed his ice ball over the roof before gliding over. “Finally we agree on something,” he muttered. “Registeel and I didn't want to do this either, but you know Regirock.”
The Air Titan bared his fangs. “Get to the point. Why're you three here disrupting my sleep? Are you wanting an ass-kicking this late?”
Regice and Registeel turned their bodies to their triplet, knowing glints in their dots. He stepped forward to show off the large sack. “You see this? This is Santa's bag of presents. It's Christmas Eve.”
“Noooo, really?” Rayquaza dryly gasped. “Hey, believe it or not, I was a good little dragon this year. Think you got a present in there for me?”
To his brothers' disbelief, the Rock Peak Pokémon put it down and opened it for a peek. “Hm... not sure. Does Santa even give Pokémon like us presents?” He had looked over at his siblings when he asked.
“I was being sarcastic, dumb-ass.” The dragon sighed loudly, unfurling his body to show off his size and his tail, which he poised to strike. “I don't have time or patience to put up with you guys. Why couldn't you bother Groudon or Lugia or someone else?”
Regice, before he knew it, had moved in front of Regirock to face the titan and stare him down. “I'm just going to get to the point. We're here for your help.”
Rayquaza gave a dismissive raspberry. “Get real, you all never want my help unless Kyogre and Groudon are acting up.”
“I'm not happy about this either, Rayquaza, but unfortunately, Regirock is too thick-headed to know when to give.”
“Hey—” his brother started to protest, but he cut him off.
“Santa Claus actually crash-landed on Registeel's ruins while we were there, and he's counting on us to deliver the presents until his sleigh gets fixed.”
Taking in the walking ice cube's words, Rayquaza's beady eyes darted between the Golems as he took it in. “So wait a minute—Santa's a real person?”
“Yeah. Short, jolly, round old man in red. Has a bunch of Stantler pulling his sleigh, which took a lot of damage and can't be used at the moment.”
Tail swaying in thought, the dragon peered suspiciously at Regirock. “...Regirock shot him down, I take it?”
“I wouldn't dare!” he defended himself. “Rayquaza, I know we don't talk as often as we... probably should, but we need your help. We want you to be our sleigh tonight.”
Suddenly, Rayquaza started wheezing, shaking his head about and pounding a fist on the ground (which rumbled with every impact). The more he stole a glance at them, the harder and louder his laughter got. The Golems slowly looked at each other in varying degrees of disbelief, horror, and mirth. In Registeel and Regice's cases, contempt toward their brother for wasting their time being dragged across the region on the promise of helping out Santa Claus.
Once he could catch his breath, the titan sneered, “You guys are stupid, you know that? But I gotta admit, you three should start touring. The antics of the Golem Brothers are sure to get you a few easy yucks and a couple of stand-up records.”
“Then shut your maw and watch this.”
The android then squeezed himself in as everyone's attention was directed to him, his orbs flashing rapidly. A hologram shot forth from the middle of his face to play footage of Santa Claus falling through the roof of his home to the moment when everything was turned upside-down as they started flying. As he watched and listened, Rayquaza's face fell and a low growl came to life in his throat.
“Are you serious?”
All three nodded at different intervals. “Rayquaza,” Regice quietly started, “as one of the fastest and largest individuals in Hoenn, we implore you to help us deliver these presents. At least until Santa gets his sleigh back in the air.”
“And if I refuse?”
He wasn't going to back down. Before Regice could speak again, his rocky triplet had to blurt out in some last-ditch effort, “What if I sing it in song? Rayquaza your scales are bright—”
“Hell to the no! I ain't no freaking reindeer!”
Startled to silence at last, Regirock slumped where he stood, dots clouding over. Registeel turned his body with a knowing glint at Regice. Rayquaza only scowled as he looked between them.
“You do realize I can just dunk you all in a tall glass of my own piss if I wanted to, yes? 'Specially you, Ice Cube.”
“If you don't mind getting shattered ice-glass in your eyes,” Regice coolly stated.
“Even in sub-zero space?”
“Certainly. As you can see, I don't need oxygen.”
The dragon continued to glower, visibly trying to come up with another retort. Raising his head, Regirock leaned in a bit in interest as he shifted the bag of presents on his shoulder. For as much as his brothers bickered with him, the fact they cared just a little bit lifted his spirits. They were right that they jumped on this task too quickly, but from the sound of it, they wanted to see this night to the end after all.
But Rayquaza had an escape plan: Extreme Speeding off the rooftop and vanishing over the horizon.
The bag slipped out of the Rock Golem's hold as they blankly and wordlessly stared out after him. As the shock wore off, for a moment Regice and Registeel considered tossing their brother off to see if he could make a splash large enough to create a tidal wave for them to Surf to the nearest island. Not that they could, but if Kyogre willed it, they could make it back in one piece.
“...Now that I think about it, maybe we should've gone to Jirachi for help.”
That did it. Regirock was fish food.