Pokémon the 7th Movie: Mean Mr. Mustard

A Movie Script by Latios

Author’s Note

This story is actually not a story at all: it’s a script for another Pokémon movie, or possibly a short feature in one of the “authentic” movies. Consequently, there is a great deal of narration and very little actual quotations by the characters. Nonetheless, I sincerely hope you enjoy this offbeat tale of Ash and his friends as they seek to rescue Professor Oak-turned-secret-agent, and tussle with the weird fat yellow-haired man, Mean Mr. Mustard, and his evil Team Firecracker. July 15, 2003

[Movie opens at Team Firecracker (T.F.) Headquarters. “Mean Mr. Mustard” plays in the background. While the initial credits roll, the audience gets to see Mean Mr. Mustard (MMM) take calls, fire employees, and sign important papers. The song ends, and a T.F. agent runs into MMM’s office.]
AGENT: “Sir! Sir!”
MMM: “What the heck is it?!”
AGENT: “We’ve got a major problem! Professor Oak has become a secret agent!”
MMM: “Well, then, we’ll have to do something about that, won’t we? . . .”
AGENT: “Uh, right! Rumor has it he’s got the password data to the Indigo Plateau database that has everything known about Pokémon!”
MMM: “Hmm . . . I’ve heard of it, but never thought to ponder what it could do for us. . . . Now that Oak’s become a secret agent, and is probably planning to topple us and Team Rocket, we’ll have to make sure we get that data . . . then we can conquer the world!”
[MMM grins diabolically.]
[Scene changes to a T.F. conference room, where many T.F. agents are seated around a large table, with MMM at the head of the table.]
MMM: “Silence, nincompoops!”
[MMM waits as the agents become quiet.]
MMM: “I hear Professor Oak has become a secret agent. He also has the password data to all the Pokémon information at Indigo Plateau!”
T.F. AGENT 1: “Yeah. So what?”
MMM: “We’ll join forces with Team Rocket, capture Oak, and force him to reveal the data!”
T.F. AGENT 2: “Yeah!”
T.F. AGENT 3: “I second that notion!”
MMM: “Any questions? Yes, you?”
T.F. AGENT 1: “What about those snot-nosed kids, Ash, Brock, and Misty? Team Rocket’s had loads of problems with that electric rat of theirs.”
MMM: “That’s why we’re merging with Team Rocket, you dense clod! We’ll be ten times more powerful if they help us! Now, alert Giovanni! . . . “

[A T.F. agent sprints into MMM’s office, breathlessly.]
T.F. AGENT 4: “Sir! Sir! Giovanni OK’d the decision!”
MMM: “Excellent! I’m now the supreme dictator of Team Firecracker-Rocket, right?”
T.F. AGENT 4: “Uh . . . yeah!”
MMM: “We’re good to go, then! Send everyone out to capture Oak, now, now, now!”
T.F. AGENT 4: “Yes, sir!”
[The T.F. agent runs out as MMM laughs diabolically.]

[Professor Oak, in a tuxedo, tears down a street in Pallet Town late at night in a high-tech sports car. Ash, who is currently at his mother’s house and cannot get to sleep, stares out of his window. Seeing Oak race by, Ash wonders internally, “Is Professor Oak a secret agent?” A few seconds later, he hears a loud explosion, and sees that Oak’s car is enveloped in huge flames and clouds of smoke. Miraculously, Oak used his ejector seat. A spotlight is shone on him as he flies through the air; a large net captures Oak. Oak slices away the net with a laser shooting from his wristwatch. An Alakazam is sent out, gripping Oak using its telekinetic powers. Oak has just enough strength to activate his rocket pack and break out of the psychic Pokémon’s grasp. Blasting off at 1,000 mph, Oak is captured when a supercharged Raichu destroys his rocket pack with electric power, making him crash right onto the deck of a nearby T.F. ship. The ship roars away, chugging and growling. Ash realizes Oak was battling those who wanted to capture him for whatever reason . . .]

[The scene reverts to the T.F. headquarters. Oak, led in handcuffs by two guards, is brought to MMM’s office, where MMM orders Oak to be interrogated. The scene changes to an interrogation room, where Mewtwo appears, glaring at Oak. Telepathically, he speaks with Oak.]
MEWTWO: “So, you fell into our little trap. Well, Oak, your high-tech toys didn’t do you much good! We can do this the easy way [Mewtwo points to a chalkboard with the instructions ‘Tell us how to get into the Indigo Plateau database, and write them here’ scrawled on it], or the hard way [Mewtwo points to rows and rows of repugnant disco music and episodes of children’s shows]. What will you choose?”
[Oak breathes deeply, closing his eyes, as if preparing for the very worst.]
MEWTWO: “Let the interrogation begin! . . . “

[The scene reverts to Ash’s mother’s house. Ash walks downstairs from his bedroom, with Pikachu in his arms. Since it is 6 o’clock in the morning, Ash’s mother asks him where is going. Ash replies that he is going to the Pokémon Center, and, to authenticate his claim, discreetly pinches Pikachu so that he groans.]
ASH’S MOTHER: Oh, all right. [Yawns.] Eat your vegetables, and put fresh underwear on every day you’re gone! Good-bye!”
[Ash waves good-bye as he walks out the front door with Pikachu. The scene reverts to the Pokémon Center of Viridian City, where he calls up Misty and Brock from their gyms in a three-way videophone conversation. He informs them that Oak has been captured by a coalition of Team Firecracker and Team Rocket. Ash asks them if they would like to help him liberate Oak. Brock eagerly accepts, but Misty replies that she is too busy training at the gym and taking care of her Togepi. Ash warns her that she will miss out on many fun adventures, to which Misty replies:]
MISTY: “Hey! I’m coming along too! Don’t leave me! I’ll come and meet you and Brock at the Viridian City Shopping Plaza! See you in an hour!”

[The scene changes to the main court of the Viridian City Shopping Plaza, where Ash explains to Brock and Misty that this job will require a lot of undercover detective work. Misty explains to them that she has entrusted Togepi with her sisters, since this will be such dangerous work.]
ASH: “So the first step is to dress so that no one will know who we are!”
[Ash leads Misty and Brock toward a couple of various absurd clothing shops: Mr. Tacky’s and Geeks R Us. Misty and Brock “sweat” over this, but Ash cajoles them in, dragging them by the hands into the first shop. After the audience sees them try on a bunch of outrageous getups, they finally walk out wearing the clothes they bought. Misty wears platforms shoes, a micro-miniskirt covered with silver sparkles, and a tie-dyed shirt printed with “WHATEVER” in girly 1970s writing on it. She also wears lightning-bolt earrings, a fake Butterfree tattoo on one of her arms, and a fake smiley face tattoo on the other. Brock is dressed like Super Mario, only instead of a red shirt and plumber’s cap, blue overalls, and brown shoes, he wears a hot-pink-and-lemon-yellow checked pair of overalls, a neon-blue-and-green striped shirt, platform shoes, and an aquamarine plumber’s cap with red polka dots all over it. Ash wears the same outfit that the animated John Lennon wore in Yellow Submarine. Then, Ash drags them down to get haircuts. Misty gets a Mohawk dyed every color of the rainbow, Brock gets an enormous Afro, and Ash just gets his hair combed.]

[Scene reverts to MMM’s office. A T.F. agent bursts in, breathlessly.]
T.F. AGENT 5: “Sir! Sir!”
MMM: “What is it, you bumbling fool?!”
T.F. AGENT 5: “Our teams can’t find those snot-nosed trainers!”
MMM: “Well then, search harder!”
[Another T.F. agent bursts in, breathlessly.]
T.F. AGENT 6: “Sir! (I wish I could use the elevator to get up here—huff—puff) I think we found them! They look like a bunch of idiots who dress as if they were colorblind—I practically became blind myself, looking at them!”
MMM: “Splendid! Tell all agents to corner them and capture them! I’ll rule the world soon enough! . . . How’s the interrogation going?”
T.F. AGENT 6: “Horrible, sir. 183 records and 90 kids’ episodes later, and Oak still won’t talk.”
[A loud yelp is heard nearby. Oak’s voice is heard, but the audience cannot see him:]
OAK: “(Gasp, gasp, gasp) OK! I’ll talk! I’ll talk! If I hear that stupid song one more time, I think I’ll crack! (Gasping, sobbing tremendously) All right. You need the following information: every gene in my 21st chromosome, the fingerprint of my right thumb, my retina scan, and the number on this card.”
MMM: “Ah! The interrogation finally proved to be worthwhile.”
[Mewtwo teleports into MMM’s office.]
MEWTWO: “I want my compensation for the interrogation!”
MMM: “I don’t think I can give it to you right now. You see, we’re a bit strapped for cash—“
MEWTWO: “You give me the money, or I get my revenge . . .”
[Mewtwo curtly glares at MMM, and MMM responds, a couple octaves higher:]
MMM: “Aha! Yes! Of course! I see! We’ll have to do something about that, won’t we?”
[MMM goes into a small closet, pulling down a suitcase with $10,000 bills sticking out of the seams, and hands it to Mewtwo.]
Mewtwo: “That’s more like it!”
[Mewtwo teleports out of MMM’s office.]

[Ash, Brock, and Misty walk casually down a busy street in Pewter City. Ash turns to Brock, asking him:]
ASH: “Hey, Brock, do you know how to drive?”
BROCK: “Yeah, but ever since my dad’s car rolled off a cliff and got trampled by a stampede of Ryhorn when I borrowed it, he forbade me from driving until I paid him back.”
MISTY: “That’s rough, Brock.”
ASH: “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him! So, since we need a quicker way to get around, we’ll buy a cheap car, and have Brock drive!”
[Brock and Misty look amused as Ash digs out $500.]
ASH: “Come on!”
[Ash drags them by the hand into a nearby car dealership called Jalopy Motors. Ash, Misty, and Brock try out many very used cars, and then Ash decides on the “Lemon Special”: an enormous clunker from the 1950s with lots of rust, bald tires, places bashed in from accidents, lumpy seats with the springs sticking out, a hole where the radio used to be, a cracked windshield, patchy carpeting, a missing back door, dents all over, missing headlights, cracked and broken taillights, and a discolored dashboard, complete with a bumpy ride, loud noise from the engine and squeaky brakes. The car has traveled over 650,000 miles, and costs just $100. Brock drives away with Ash and Misty in the back, chugging down a highway winding around Mount Moon. Misty constantly complains, about the lumpy seats, the noise, the smell of mold, and the wind from the missing door. Looking into the rearview mirror, Brock notices that four T.F. cars are trailing closely behind. Suddenly, giant cannons emerge from the cars, and begin to fire water balloons filled with paint. Lots of dark green smears down the windshield from the roof. Brock flicks on the barely working windshield wipers, but only smears the mess and makes it even harder to see. Brock desperately tries to stay on the road by looking out of the hole where one of the rear doors used to be. Ash and Misty work quickly, breaking all the windows with a bowling ball and a sledgehammer they found rolling around the back. Brock can see now, but the balloons attack them all. Soon, they are completely covered in green paint. Ash and Misty send out their Pokémon to attack the T.F. cars. Ash’s Pikachu shocks the T.F. cars, and, predictably, the cars explode, sending the T.F. members shooting into the sky, saying:]
T.F. MEMBERS: “Looks like Team Firecracker is blasting off!”

[The scene reverts to MMM’s office. MMM’s telephone rings, and MMM answers it.]
MMM: “What is it?!”
T.F. AGENT 7: “Sir, I’ve got horrible news. Four of our cars exploded when they chased Ash, Misty, and Brock!”
MMM: “Argh! It couldn’t have come at a worse time! I owe Giovanni $1 million for all the poker games I lost to him! . . .”
[MMM shuffles through some papers, still on the telephone.]
MMM: “Send those fools, Jessie and James, after them! Make sure they’re in complete disguise!”
[T.F. agents drag Jessie and James into a set of changing rooms, with Meowth tagging along. James comes out of his changing room dressed as a giant Lickitung, and Jessie comes out dressed as a bowling coach. Other Team Firecracker and Team Rocket agents come in dressed as bowlers. MMM puts on an old coat to take the appearance of a cranky old bus driver, and announces his new plan:]
MMM: “OK, here’s the plan. We look like a bowling team. We head on down to the Cerulean City Bowling Alley (I have a hunch they’ll be going there), and weaken the idiots with our Pokémon. Then, we throw them in the bus, and keep them prisoner! Finally, we’ll hack into the database, and take over the world! [MMM laughs diabolically.] Meowth has to stay behind, since I know that mangy furball will mess things up! . . .”
MEOWTH: “I take great offense at that!”
MMM: “Do you want to take over the world, or not?”
MEOWTH: “Um, well . . .”
MMM: “Then stand back and let us do the work!”

[Ash, Brock, and Misty, still covered in green paint, limp along a Cerulean City street in their battered, paint-splattered car. Ash proposes that they trash their car, get themselves clean outfits, and take a little break while they reconsider their strategies. Brock and Misty gratefully accept Ash’s offer, and Brock drives the car into a monster truck show, where the ringleader gives them $30 for it. Ash, Brock, and Misty walk around until they see an Elton John’s Funwear for Fellas boutique on the street. The audience sees them try on many more absurd, outrageously gaudy outfits, until they walk out wearing their purchases. Ash gets a white dress shirt and a little red bow tie with white polka dots, along with black dress pants, black dress shoes, nerdy glasses held together with tape, a frizzy carrot-colored wig, and a pocket protector with pens! Misty gets another tie-dyed shirt (without the “WHATEVER”), bell-bottoms, rainbow-colored platform shoes, an enormous brass “peace” symbol on a string around her neck, a brunette wig that comes down to her knees, rose-colored glasses, and a colorful headband! Brock gels all of his hair into a single, enormous spike, a spiky dog collar, a shirt that says “What are you lookin’ at?!,” torn, ripped jeans, trashy athletic shoes, and an old backpack covered with patches and buttons saying things like “I’m up and out of bed, what more do you want?,” “Skateboarding is not a crime,” and “This human makes wide turns!”]

[On the streets of Cerulean City, Ash, Brock, and Misty continue walking around, until Misty begs to do something different for a change. They spot a bowling alley, and walk there to pacify her. In the parking lot, they notice an old, beat-up school bus parked there. They walk in, making eye contact with the Team Firecracker-Rocket “bowling team” the audience got to see earlier. The “bowling team” is remarkably poor at even knocking down a couple of pins, although MMM repeatedly gets strikes. Ash, Brock, and Misty pay for a game and rent their shoes, and start bowling. A few frames later, the “bowling team” sends out its Pokémon to attack Ash, Brock, and Misty. Taken completely by surprise, they send out their own Pokémon, and it becomes a maniacal free-for-all: Bulbasaur gives Jessie a buzz cut with its Razor Leaf; Charizard sets James’ Lickitung outfit on fire, and James dives into an enormous sports drink cooler, gets stuck, and looks like a moron; Misty uses kung fu; MMM’s Nidoqueen hurls the CD jukebox at Ash (who, predictably, dives out of the way just in time), and MMM’s Kangaskhan throws a pinball machine at Misty (who does just the same thing Ash does); MMM’s Machop grabs the fungus spray and sprays it in Brock’s face; and finally, MMM grabs Ash. Ash gives him a swift kick in the groin, and Ash runs away. MMM, half-crazed with pain, throws ninja stars at Ash, Brock, and Misty. Miraculously, they just get hung up on the wall by their clothing. All Team Firecracker-Rocket members pause to rest. MMM screams,]
MMM: “What are you waiting for?! Get those kids and throw ‘em in the bus before the cops get here!”
[The bowling alley cashier, who finally comes to his senses after gaping at the brawl, rushes to a telephone to call Officer Jenny. MMM points at Ash, Brock, and Misty, commanding the agents to grab them, and MMM, on his way out, gives the cashier a good punch in the face. The cashier, who now has “X’d-out eyes,” lays sprawled out on the floor behind the cash register, the mouthpiece of the telephone dangling by its cord over a shelf of bowling shoes. From the speaker comes the words,]
[Officer Jenny on the telephone hangs up, as the bus outside roars to life, backfiring and chugging off, seen through the windows of the bowling alley. The scene changes to the inside of the bus, with the bus on a lonely highway, where Ash, Brock, and Misty are bound and gagged, with Pikachu inside a shockproof cage. They demand to be set free, while the Team Firecracker-Rocket agents laugh at them, taunting them with silly faces and throwing popcorn at them. MMM drives the bus, humming to “Mean Mr. Mustard” on the radio. The taunts get worse; James dumps a bottle of soda on Ash’s head, saying,]
JAMES: “This is what you get for all the times you sent your precious Pikachu to shock me! Ee he he he he he!”
[while Jessie says, along with silly postures:]
JESSIE: “Misty wears a pretty long dress everywhere she goes! She wears makeup all the time and can’t stand to be anywhere without her boyfriend, Brockie-Wockie!”
[Ash, Brock, and Misty try to jump at them, kicking and shouting louder through their gags, while the laughing gets louder and louder. In the rearview mirror, the audience sees red and blue lights, and the sound of police sirens is barely audible over all the laughing and taunting. MMM commands everyone to be quiet with a resounding,]
MMM: “Shut up, all of you!”
[Everyone becomes quiet suddenly, and the sirens get louder and louder. The audience sees MMM stomp the accelerator, and the back of the bus, as seen from outside, spews so much black exhaust that the Officer Jennies on motorcycles following behind choke. MMM steers into a nearby carnival, and, while dodging all the people, smashes tables of pies, tents, empty snail rides, and things like that, while the Officer Jennies skillfully avoid all of the debris. MMM plows through the carnival entrance gates, and crashes through a barrier into the Safari Zone. The Officer Jennies stop, knowing that their motorcycles couldn’t possibly drive through all that dense foliage. They alert the Officer Jennies inside the Safari Zone to pursue them. MMM drives like an insane madman; he leans on the horn, smashes into trees, flies over quicksand, and all the while sends everyone else bumping and bashing around! MMM’s dented, mangled bus, spewing nuts and bolts, flies off a cliff and into a river. With a dramatic splash, the bus is swept downstream. Everyone inside, all “swirly-eyed” and “patched,” tries to recover their breath. A waterfall then becomes visible, and everyone screams and yells as the bus sails over the edge. Just after the bus splashes again, the screen blacks out. A few seconds later, rays of sunlight peek through the broken windows of the upside-down bus. Ash slowly opens his eyes, gets up with a grunt, and finds that everyone (including Pikachu) is unconscious. He shakes Pikachu, as well as Brock and Misty, but to no avail. He lugs them out of the bus and onto dry land, and hesitantly leaves them to get help.]

[The scene changes to a computer room at the T.F. Headquarters. Technicians using a supercomputer use Oak’s data to enter the Indigo Plateau Database. They began loading all the data from the website onto high-capacity hard disks, watching the data transfer slowly inch from 1% . . . to 2% . . . and then 3% . . . The scene then changes to a jail cell where Oak is being held captive, sobbing as he watches the technicians download the information on a small television in his room.]

[An Officer Jenny, driving swiftly in a Jeep around the Safari Zone, talks on a cellular telephone to another Officer Jenny, who is giving her leads on where the bus was last seen. The audience sees her dashboard, as the temperature gauge and tachometer climb into the red zones, little to Officer Jenny’s knowledge! Soon, Officer Jenny hears a loud grinding noise from the Jeep, and the engine bursts into flame! She jumps off, falling into nearby rapids with a splash, as her Jeep hurtles over a cliff and down a rocky mountain trail, landing, smoldering, in an enormous mud puddle. Officer Jenny, having coolly kept her telephone in her mouth, above the water, ends her conversation with the other Officer Jenny, and, dripping wet, calls for help on a sandy, rocky shore, telling the dispatcher what happened to her Jeep.]

[The scene changes to the spot where Ash left Brock, Misty, and Pikachu unconscious, under a large tree. It is late at night; Ash has reunited with them, and he hunches over a small campfire, looking at the stars and full moon as he waits for his dinner of a big river fish to cook. Suddenly, there is a rustling in the nearby bushes, which frightens Ash. He whirls about, searching for a weapon to defend himself with an apocalyptic frenzy, while the rustling in the bushes gets louder and still louder. A gust of wind blows out his fire, and Ash gets even more frightened. A dark hand clasps on his shoulder, and Ash, paralyzed with terror, dares not to breathe, looking up. The face of an ominous ninja, concealed by a mask, is illuminated by the moonlight. The ninja uses his other hand to draw his long sword, ready to stab Ash with it. Ash lets out a blood-curdling scream, and he bolts into the forest, running endlessly. No matter how fast he runs, the ninja is always close behind. Ash then trips and falls on the large, knotted roots of an old tree. The ninja, as agile as an Olympic sprinter, is not far behind. Ash, coming to his senses, realizes that his Charizard could possibly defend him. He sends it out, commanding it to let him ride on its back. It boldly defies Ash, choosing instead to spew an enormous fireball at him! Ash is roasted, but the ninja, about to stab Ash, leaps out of the way in the nick of time, jumping onto a nearby tree branch. Hurling two ninja stars, the ninja gives Charizard two small cuts. Enraged, it tries to crush the ninja with its massive tail. Every time, the ninja jumps out of harm’s way. The ninja, with more stars ready to fling, frightens Charizard into flapping away. Ash grabs onto one of Charizard’s feet, and is lifted off the ground. The ninja flings star after star at Ash, who gets his pants sliced several times by the stars. Finally, they fly so high that they can no longer be attacked. Ash hoists himself onto Charizard’s back, and catches his breath. Ash then yawns, stretches, and tethers himself to Charizard with his sagging bow tie, lest he fall while he sleeps!]

[Brock and Misty regain consciousness in a lamplit tent, finding themselves tied to a stake in the ground, sitting on the floor. The ninja, walking into the tent and pulling off his mask, happens to be none other than MMM! MMM mutters about how he could not capture Ash. Meanwhile, Jessie, James, and the other members of Team Firecracker-Rocket are seen laughing and reminiscing about the few times they actually pulled off a crime successfully. MMM, while changing out of his ninja suit, listens to “Mean Mr. Mustard” on the radio. After the song ends, an emergency news update comes on:]
RADIO ANNOUNCER: “Police are searching for a man weighing about 245 pounds, 5 feet 10 inches, with yellow hair, mustache, and beard, who was last seen as a bus driver in the Cerulean City Bowling Center. A witness describes him as having a volatile temper and a disagreeable attitude. Investigators believe he may be the infamous Joseph ‘Mean Mr.’ Mustard, who was last known to have pulled off a $20 billion bank heist in 1978 with Team Firecracker . . .”
[MMM, with slack jaw, is utterly shocked, shouting,]
MMM: “Pack up! They’re after us!”
JAMES: “Who?”
MMM: “The cops, you crazy moron!”
[James and other Team Firecracker-Rocket members scream, then frantically start packing up, throwing things into bags, turning out all the lamps, and slamming into each other. Misty and Brock, still bound and gagged, demand to be released, to which MMM responds,]
MMM: “Oh, yes, the snot-nosed brats. Hmm, what shall I do with them? Oh, I know! I’ll just leave you right here! I’m sure a very hungry Arbok would be more than happy eat you both. [Laughs sardonically.] See you! I certainly wouldn’t want to be in your shoes!”
[MMM laughs again, parting with Brock, Misty, and Pikachu, still in his cage, as he and Team Firecracker-Rocket run off into the inky night.]

[Scene reverts to Ash, still asleep, strapped onto Charizard’s back. Charizard soars gracefully through the night sky, making a bright light all the while with its tail, as seemingly infinite miles of ocean stretch into the horizon. Ash bolts awake, and, looking down at the choppy blue-black ocean, notes he has allowed Charizard to fly too far. He then comes to the unhappy realization that he has no idea where he is! Thoughts race through Ash’s mind:]
ASH: “Where am I? Does Charizard know where it’s going? Will I ever see Brock or Misty or Pikachu again?”
[Ash pulls out his cellular telephone, hoping to call a navigation expert, but finds that the batteries are dead! Feeling completely hopeless, he pulls out his Magic Pokéball and asks it,]
ASH: “Will I ever see Brock or Misty or Pikachu again?”
[The answer on the Magic Pokéball reads: DEFINITELY YES. Ash breathes a sigh of relief, and gazes at the stars and moon. He then puts his head between his knees, and falls asleep again.]

[Brock and Misty, still tied to the ground, sit around and mope, hoping that an Officer Jenny will come along and rescue them. Pikachu regains consciousness, hearing a rustling noise from the nearby bushes. Brock, Misty, and Pikachu all become very tense and nervous. Large drops of sweat pour down the faces as the rustling becomes louder and still louder. A threatening, serpent-like creature looms before them, appearing as nothing more than a black void in the faint light filtering through the trees. The light is then totally blotted out, and the creature hisses, its reeking breath gagging Brock and Misty. Its faint “chär, chärbok!” gives away the fact that this is a deadly Arbok! Its forked tongue quivers across Brock’s arm, and Brock lets out a blood-curdling scream, fainting. Just before it bites him, the Arbok pulls away to hear the sound of a far-off car roaring down the jungle path, and slips away in time to avoid getting struck by the Volkswagen Minibus barreling down the road! The Minibus, decked out in a psychedelic paint job, stops 50 feet away from Brock, Misty, and Pikachu. Six men, wearing bright 1960s clothing, climb out, lugging a bunch of musical instruments and elaborate video equipment. Clearly, they are going to make a music video. All of them have British accents, and one of them says to another,]
MUSICIAN 1: “Hey, Morton! Will you look at that? It’s two kids tied to the ground, and a Pikachu in a cage! Ever seen such a thing?”
MUSICIAN 2: “So go untie them.”
MUSICIAN 1: “You go untie ‘em.”
MUSICIAN 2: “No, you go!”
MUSICIAN 1: “I won’t risk me life over some silly children! They could have a knife, you know, be waitin’ for a victim!”
MUSICIAN 3: “Fine, I’ll untie them.”
[Musician 3 unties Brock and Misty, and breaks open Pikachu’s cage. Pikachu gratefully springs out, and Brock and Misty stretch their arms and legs, thanking them. He then introduces all the members of the band, and orders everyone around as they set up their instruments and their camera. They start the camera, and begin filming a stupid, noisy song that forces Brock, Misty, and Pikachu to plug their ears. As the song gets louder and louder, the speakers explode, and Musician 3 says,]
MUSICIAN 3: “What a bang.”
[before all characters faint, charred black.]

[The scene reverts to Ash on his Charizard. Ash immediately awakens as a result of the explosion, and sees the rising plumes of smoke from the Safari Zone, now several miles away. Hoping to investigate, Ash commands Charizard to fly back, but Charizard does not respond. Ash repeats his command, a bit more sternly, and Charizard still does not respond. Finally, Ash yells at Charizard, who turns around and spews a fireball at him. Ash, charred black, demands that Charizard turn around, or else be dispossessed. Charizard does a barrel roll, sending Ash falling toward the icy ocean far below. As he falls, his life flashes before his eyes: his father bottle-feeding him as an infant; his first day of school; sitting on the front steps of his house as a small boy, eating potato chips, drinking soda, and reading a “Clefairy from Space” comic book; his elementary school graduation; his first rock concert; studying for his Pokémon trainer’s license; the celebration he had after getting the license; and, of course, the first time he met Pikachu. Ash wonders what will happen to Pikachu if he dies, but he cannot think about this question for very long, because he gets caught in a net fired from a Team Firecracker-Rocket helicopter. He is taken inside, where he is forced onto a chair, his legs and arms tied down. Several interrogators appear, demanding information on the whereabouts of his Pikachu. One of these interrogators is Lugia, and Ash is shocked when he realizes that the legendary dragon-bird who helped him restore meteorological balance has betrayed his own kind. Mewtwo then appears, engaging in telepathic conversation with Ash:]
MEWTWO: “You are not dreaming. What you see is true, for I have bribed every one of the legendary Pokémon into working for Team Rocket-Firecracker. Lugia, in particular, has proven most useful in tracking down your electric vermin and your chuckleheaded friends; we captured them in just 30 seconds thanks to him!”
[Ash sees Brock and Misty, gagged and bound, struggling at the other end of the helicopter, and what appears to be the Pokéball that Pikachu is being kept in. MMM approaches Ash.] MMM: “Well, if it isn’t Agent 007, Ash Ketchum! You’ve failed miserably. Not only do we have every legendary Pokémon on our side, but we also have finished hacking into the Indigo League Pokémon Database! Now, I rise from the shadows to rule the world!
[MMM laughs like a madman, as the helicopter lands at the Team Firecracker-Rocket Headquarters.]

[The scene changes to the corridors of the Headquarters, where Ash, Brock, and Misty are forced to surrender all of their Pokémon and their belongings, and dress in orange prison jumpsuits. Each person is placed in a separate cell, quite a distance from each other. Brock, Misty, and Oak sit in their cells, depressed and out of ideas, not knowing what to do. Meanwhile, Ash is plotting an escape strategy: he notices that robots, not humans, guard the prison, and that they are armed with high-powered laser guns. He then realizes that his mattress rests on a steel platform, and decides that he could take the silverware that come with his dinner to unscrew the platform, using it as a shield as he fought the robot guards. He notes, however, that every cell has its own security camera, meaning he has have to work quickly before the robots begin to attack him. He sits and waits eagerly for his meal, hoping to become a hero and save the world from the wrath of MMM.]

[The scene changes to a dance floor, where MMM, Jessie, James, and all the other members of Team Firecracker-Rocket are at a 1980s themed break-dancing party. MMM is the center of attention as he whirls and twirls around with fluid moves on the floor, and James always falls flat on his face whenever he tries to copy MMM. MMM suddenly stops, though, when he gets a call on his cellular telephone that Team Firecracker-Rocket stock shares have fallen by 65% on the Goldenrod Stock Exchange. He grumps at the person on the other line to enslave all of the legendary Pokémon and sell them to wealthy collectors. Just as he ends the call, he gets another call, this time from the person who watches the television screens for the security cameras, who tells him that Ash has destroyed a robot and stolen its laser gun. MMM commands him to make a building-wide alert and to send the rest of the robots after him, concerned that he will go and free his friends. Not surprisingly, Ash does just that.]

[The scene changes to Misty’s cell, where Ash has the stolen gun. He makes her stand back while he melts the lock, and melts it. Misty pushes open the door, and she runs away with him. They perform a lot of clever maneuvers to dodge the laser beams, and Ash coolly knocks the guns out of the hands of the robots, while Misty karate-chops and kicks them down before they can pick up their guns. Meanwhile, MMM is watching the action on a small monitor that he always carries in his pocket, still at the dance. Many people crowd around him to get a look, and James inevitably gets shoved out of the way. Ash and Misty continue to run swiftly, setting the rest of the captives free by melting the locks on the cell doors along the way. Ash, Brock, and Misty get back their Pokémon by running into another room and grabbing their Pokéballs, and then dash back out. They then run into a cavernous garage, where they encounter a nuclear-powered prototype sports car called the Celibi. Brock grabs the keys, idiotically left on an unsecured key rack, and lets himself, Ash, Misty, and Pikachu in. Brock starts the car, which rumbles loudly as the plutonium atoms are split. He floors the accelerator, and tears out of the garage just as the doors are closing. A loud alarm goes off, and clusters of Team Rocket-Firecracker helicopters pursue them. Large bombs are dropped by the helicopters, and Brock frantically tries to steer out of their way, but ends up driving over a cliff. They all scream and yell like babies, but just before the car hits the jagged gorge, Ash wakes up in a sweat, late at night. It was only a dream; he is now a middle-aged man, the head of the Orange Islands Pokémon League. Then, Pikachu appears, saying, “Pika pika pi!” (Translation: Dreams are not always what they are cracked up to be.)]

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