Comments
Pages: 1
mamma
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: 57
Þetta var frábær kafli, Hlín. Samtölin algjörlega frábær. Og líka flott að byrja kaflann í miðjum bardaga. Breytingin á May dýpkar, án þess að verða óraunveruleg. Þetta er mjög trúverðug persóna sem þú hefur skapað, og hennar þroskaferli mjög trúverðugt.
Enskan í fyrri hluta kaflans fannst mér sums staðar ekki nógu vönduð. Orðalagið, orðaröðin á setningunum var ruglingsleg eða illskiljanleg, kannski voru smáorð sem hefði mátt sleppa.
[03/10/2011 23:28:45]
Idiot who forgot what was going on
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: 57
Wait, what? When did Scyther die? I forgot.Reply: In chapter 10, before he joined Mark. The Mew Hunter's Fangcat fought him and killed him, but Mew resurrected him.
[26/09/2011 04:05:17]
Unknown
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: 57
Wooaah, more depressing scenes. I really like Stantler though. It's cool how 'ordinary' pokemon get their personalities out in your story.
The conversation with Chaletwo and Mark really did bring out somthing about their characters I didn't really see before (though it was a while before I read this -_^) Mark seems a braver. And Chaletwo is just real. He sounds like himself, but it feels like Mark's been changed after everything. But then, I geuss how can he not be ...
Alan, he was very confusing ... I thought he wanted to check up on them, because he was feeling guilty. Akward! But Mark not missing him, yikes, that was a little painful. Does he really not muss him ..!? :O
And finally, that deep talk between May and Stantler! Guess May wants to change for the better. But it's so honest, how she tries to imitate the good trainer. Alan would have made her do that if he could have hehe.
But when she's telling Stantler about how Lapras left too, and she's wondering why she is, I don't think you need the explanation in there ... as a reader, it just seems like an author note. Or you could change the phrasing,
"She didn't know why she was telling Stantler this, but she wanted to tell someone." For example ...
Anyway, I really do like your Stantler. But even she hasn't been able to escape some very serious angyst huh? Hehe ^_^
[01/07/2011 01:26:25]
larrythepickle
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: 57
omg that chapter is soooo sad! when will u finish the next one?
[24/06/2011 22:55:48]
Raitora Kuro Yamiraku
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: 57
...That was rather depressing....
As well, I kind of miss Alan as a character. The last time he had lines before the end of the League was 2008 or 2009, and, well... I miss him. He was a good character.
[23/06/2011 09:30:12]
Pages: 1