Ashley found herself awake after a night of unpleasant dreams about “Agony in Ashley”. She heard the voice of the narration in her head, even though she wasn’t actually transported to the set.
“Oh no,” she whimpered.
--Sorry, but this wasn’t very good. It was way too short to be a proper chapter and that name just irks me. And why did she leave without even saying goodbye? Your spelling and grammar are good, though.
“Listen to that person, listen to that person…” Ashley prayed.
Well, this is my fic and if I want to have my chapters short, they will be short. And I had to go away from my computer so I couldn’t write more. There is nothing wrong with her name, I think it’s beautiful. And she said goodbye, I just didn’t write it!!
Ashley sighed. “Shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.”
--THE BEST STORY EVA!!!!! CONTINUE!!!
Ashley banged her head against the wall.
Thanks! ^_^ Your story is really good too!
“Why do I doubt it is?” Ashley groaned.
--You call this a fic? It sucks! Everything sucks about it! You suck!
Ashley heartily agreed with this person, although the review itself technically sucked too.
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY I SUCK! GO AWAY!
Ashley sighed again.
--Canon rape if I ever saw one. First off, Misty is older than Ash. “Ashley Ketchum Waterflower” is the worst name ever invented. Secondly, Ash is OOC; “Use it wisely” sounds nothing like Ash. I highly doubt he’d even become a professor. Ashley is flatter than a sheet of paper and a blatant Mary-Sue. She received a freaking ARTICUNO for a starter, with absolutely no explanation on how Ash got it. I don’t know how you managed to get that much wrong in such a miniscule chapter, but you did. Congratulations.
Ashley bit her lip. It was a lovely, constructive review, but unfortunately she knew what was coming…
Stop flaming me!!! I’m just ten, I mean, what is your problem? Instead of being nice, you start flaming me with stupid nitpicky comments!
Ashley took a deep breath.
--This is a very good fic, a little short, but otherwise there’s nothing wrong.
“NOTHING WRONG?” Ashley screamed. “OF COURSE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG!”
Thanks, I hope you read more!
Ashley saw the strategy behind the author’s comments: she told the ones who criticized her to go away, and the ones who liked the fic to read more.
--This is way too fast-paced. You could have made a much longer chapter with the same happenings. If you described things more, you could have made the chapter much longer, and you shouldn’t just say that Ash is her father and Misty is her mother; you can include it in the story. Otherwise it was pretty good.
“This is so not flaming,” Ashley muttered. “Don’t try to tell me this is flaming.”
Thanks! I’ll try to make the next chapter longer.
“Er… didn’t you just say that you decided how long your chapters would be?” Ashley pointed out. The Author, naturally, didn’t hear her, and Ashley found herself absorbed into the darkness of the chapter.
Ashley headed out to Route 1! It was very grassy and Ashley loved smelling the flowers.
The darkness around her slowly lifted to reveal a grassy field. Trees and flowers grew all around it, and Ashley felt a weird urge to start smelling all the flowers for some reason. Somehow she loved doing it, even though the flowers didn’t actually have any scent to smell.
Then there came a mean guy called Dave.
All of a sudden, a shadow was standing in front of her. The name “DAVE” read in big letters across his face. Ashley immediately felt that she didn’t like him at all.
Dave: Hey, you’re a girl! I’ll beat you in a Pokémon fight any day!!!
“Er… why are you speaking in script format?” asked Ashley, confused. “And why are you sexist?”
“Cuz I’m TEH MEANIE!!!!” answered Dave meanly. Ashley realized to her horror that this must be her evil rival who abused exclamation marks. She edged away in an attempt to get around him.
Ashley: You’re so immature, grow up.
Ashley groaned and muttered a swear word. Why did she have to go back at him? And in script format?
Dave: Haha, let’s have a Pokémon battle about it!
“A Pokémon battle about whether you’re immature?” asked Ashley puzzled. “How is that supposed to work?”
“Shut up, I’m just TEH MEANIE!!!!” Dave snorted.
Ashley: I’ll kick your ***! Go Articuno!
An absolutely formless shadow appeared in front of her. It did have “ARTICUNO” written across it, though, allowing Ashley to know what it was. She couldn’t help thinking that Articuno was horribly ugly like that; it was such a shame, considering that Articuno was supposed to be a beautiful Pokémon.
Dave: Go Charmander!
Another shadow appeared in front of Dave, this one with “CHARMANDER” written on it.
Ashley: Articuno, use Ice Beam!
“Why do I have to obey you?” Articuno snorted. “I’m a Legendary. You’re a Mary-Sue.”
The shadow called Charmander randomly dropped down to the ground. Articuno hadn’t actually hit him with anything, but he probably just fainted from the pressure or something.
Dave: Puny Charmander! You’re weak, you couldn’t even defeat a girl! And I hate weak Pokémon!
“Because I’m TEH MEANIE!!!!” Dave added.
Dave left his Charmander with Ashley and it was raining, so Ashley took the Charmander. Because she saved him, he decided to come with her! Now Ashley had a new Pokémon!
Ashley felt herself disappear to the Fanfiction Character Camp again. She was relieved that the chapter was over.